 (Part of The Story Series) Introduction: Why This Story Matters We often believe that the state of our relationships depends on how others behave. But in truth, much of it depends on the story we’ve created about them in our mind. “She’s cold and doesn’t care about me.” “He’s manipulative.” “They always try to control me.” “They’re selfish. They’ll never change.” These stories may contain truths. They may have grown from real pain, real betrayal, or real patterns we’ve observed over time. But here’s what’s also true: The story we tell about someone becomes the lens through which we see them. And over time, that lens becomes a wall. It holds us back from forgiveness. It keeps us distant from people we may still care about. It locks us in resentment and prevents us from healing. Sometimes, these stories even bleed into how we relate to other people, causing patterns of mistrust, avoidance, or guardedness in entirely new relationships. What’s Happening in the Mind When you’ve been hurt, your mind forms a narrative to protect you. It says: “This is what they did. This is who they are. And I won’t let it happen again.” The brain links pain with identity: “This person caused this pain — therefore, they are dangerous.” It’s a survival instinct — but it can become a spiritual and emotional prison. Even if the story is partly true (e.g. “they are manipulative”), it becomes an identity label. And when we see someone only through their ego patterns, we stop seeing their humanity. An Example: The Manipulator Let’s say someone in your life constantly manipulates you. It’s exhausting. It’s real. You’ve felt used, maybe even emotionally twisted. So the story becomes: “They’re a manipulative person who’s always trying to get what they want.” But now pause — and go deeper. Ask yourself:
Maybe manipulation was the only way they could get love, safety, or validation when they were young. Maybe they still use it because they don’t know how to ask for their needs honestly. Understanding this doesn’t excuse the behavior — it softens your heart, so you don’t meet pain with more pain. A Powerful Example: The Movie “Pig” In the film Pig, the main character seeks revenge for the loss of his beloved animal. When he finally meets the man who stole from him, he doesn’t attack or retaliate. Instead, he cooks him a meal — a dish tied to a loving memory the man shared with his wife who is now unconscious due to illness. That act bypassed the ego and touched the man’s heart. The wall crumbled. Emotion broke through. And healing began. This is what happens when we stop fighting the ego and begin speaking to the soul. Compassion is Not Weakness This work is not about denying your hurt, or pretending everything’s okay. It’s not about letting people continue to harm you. It’s about choosing to see the full picture, so your responses come from clarity, not pain. You can:
Why This Work Is Hard (and Worth It) Some people may still trigger you. You may rewrite the story one day, then snap back into the old version the next. That’s okay. It’s all part of reconditioning the mind. You’re not trying to erase the old story in one sitting. You’re practicing a new way of seeing. And with practice, you’ll return to your heart more easily and more often. Your Reflection Practice Choose someone in your life who is important to you — especially someone with whom you’ve had conflict, distance, or emotional pain. This can be someone from the past or present. Then journal through the following prompts:
Your Assignment
Closing Thought When you change your story about others, you don’t just heal the relationship — you heal your own heart. You stop carrying old pain forward. You soften the space between you and them. And even if they never change, you do. And that change? That peace? That shift in energy? It changes everything. Read: Part 1: The Story We Tell About Ourselves Part 3: The Story We Tell About the World
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 Bella From the day we’re born, we are entangled with love. It begins before we even know the word—when we’re held, fed, smiled at (or not). That early interaction sets a blueprint for what love feels like. And more importantly, it shapes how we believe we must behave in order to receive it. Most people assume love is just a spiritual ideal—something soft and poetic that we strive for in relationships or spiritual teachings. But what most don’t realize is this: Love is also psychological. Love is biological. Love is survival. When people behave badly—when they lie, control, dominate, brag, lash out—it doesn’t look like love at all. But if you trace it all the way back to the root, it always leads to love. Or more specifically: the need to be loved. The Example of Donald Trump Let’s take a figure who represents dominance, pride, and controversy: Donald Trump. To many, he’s arrogant, aggressive, self-obsessed, divisive. He boasts about being a winner, having the best words, the highest ratings, the strongest policies. He demands loyalty. He hates being criticized. He portrays himself as the savior of America and insists the world recognize his greatness. At first glance, none of this sounds like a man seeking love. It sounds like a man seeking power. But look closer. Power is often a substitute for love. It’s what people reach for when they don’t believe they can simply be loved for who they are. When a person constantly brags, what are they really saying? “Please see me. Please tell me I matter. Please validate that I’m good enough.” When someone can’t tolerate being wrong, they’re often screaming inside: “I don’t feel safe being vulnerable. If I’m flawed, I won’t be loved.” Everything becomes a performance to prove their worth—because deep down, they never felt loved without having to earn it. Broken Strategies for Love We all have our own twisted strategies for getting love, based on what we learned in childhood. Some people:
Trump’s behavior is just a loud, extreme example of what we all do in subtler ways. If you look past the politics, the headlines, and your opinion of him—you’ll see a scared child inside a powerful man, still trying to prove he is worthy of love. This Isn’t About Justifying Harm Understanding that people are wounded doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. Compassion and accountability must coexist. But when we look at human behavior through the lens of “This person is trying to get love in the only way they know how,” it breaks the cycle of judgment and hatred. And it helps us do the same for ourselves. Love: The Hidden Force Behind It All This is why spiritual teachers keep saying: “Life is all about love.” Not because it’s a feel-good phrase, but because it’s the underlying motivator behind everything we do. Whether we’re succeeding, sabotaging, pushing people away, or drawing them close-- we’re just trying to get back to the feeling of being safe, seen, and accepted. We want what we were born for. We want what the soul remembers. We want love. This is also why so many people love having pets. On a conscious or unconscious level, we are drawn to animals because they offer us an experience of unconditional love—whether we’re receiving it or giving it. Your dog doesn’t care how much money you make or how many mistakes you’ve made. They love you when you’re a mess and when you’re on top of the world. They’re excited to see you come home and sad when you leave. That’s not neediness—it’s devotion. Remember this: you may have many people in your life, but your pet only has you. You are their one and only source of love. So be gentle with them. Take good care of them. They too just want to feel loved—just like you. A Practice for Reflection Next time you catch yourself:
Pause and ask: “What am I really trying to get right now?” “How am I trying to get love?” Then take it a step further and ask: “Who might be hurting because of how I’m trying to get love?” “What is the cost of my unmet needs for the person on the receiving end?” And when you witness someone else behaving badly, try asking: “What twisted strategy for love might they be using?” Just because you’re trying to feel loved doesn’t mean others aren’t feeling unloved in the process. Be mindful: the ways we reach for love—if rooted in fear, control, or insecurity—can push others away or even harm them. And when that happens, we’re not only not getting the love we want, we’re also blocking the love we already have. Healing begins with awareness. Love begins with responsibility. Final Thought The world doesn’t need more punishment. It needs more understanding. It needs more people willing to look beneath the behavior and see the wound. That doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or enabling harm. It means living from the wisdom that says: “Even the most unlovable-seeming person is trying, in their own broken way, to be loved.” That, too, includes you. This post is dedicated to my favoriate dog in the world - Bella, who guided me to this deeper realization about love. Read: The Healing Power of Love  President Donald Trump adn Elon Musk speak before departing the White House on March 14th. Photo Credit: CNBC Imagine sitting in a car. You’re the observer. But who’s driving? For most people, the answer is the ego—firmly gripping the wheel, speeding toward desires, defending against imagined threats, chasing approval, status, and power. Meanwhile, the higher self—the wise, calm navigator—sits quietly in the backseat. But what happens when we let ego drive not just our lives, but our entire world? Let’s explore what the ego truly is, why it exists, how it functions in the brain, and what happens when we allow it to dominate—individually and collectively. What Is the Ego? In psychology, the ego is the part of our mind that helps us function in the world. It negotiates between our instincts (id), moral ideals (superego), and external reality. It forms a sense of identity—the “I” that interacts with the world. In spirituality, the ego is the false self. It’s the mask we wear, the roles we play, the stories we believe about who we are. It operates in separation, fear, and comparison. It says, “I am this body, this status, this job, this belief.” But none of those are truly you. How the Ego Operates in the Brain The ego thrives on dopamine—the brain’s reward chemical. Every time you receive praise, a win, a like on social media, or prove someone wrong, the ego feels validated. You get a dopamine hit. You feel important. But it doesn’t last. This is why the ego constantly chases--more money, more validation, more control. It also reacts quickly to threats, real or perceived. A raised eyebrow can feel like an attack. The ego’s job is to protect the false identity it has created. So it responds with anger, pride, defensiveness—or aggression. It was once useful for survival. But now, it mostly defends illusions. When the Ego Causes Suffering Let’s say someone insults you. You feel rage. That’s the ego defending its image. In that moment, you suffer from the intensity of the emotion—and you may hurt someone else in response. The ego’s mission is to maintain its version of truth. It justifies its reactions and rarely admits fault. That’s why it’s hard for people trapped in ego to back down, apologize, or reflect. This isn’t just personal—it’s collective. The Rise of the Ego-System We live in an Ego-System—a society built to feed and reward egoic behavior. From advertisements that say, “Look what they have—you need this too,” to social media platforms that reward attention-seeking and outrage, we are constantly being trained to feed our false self. The bigger the ego, the bigger the desires—and the greater the consumption. Success is often measured not by inner peace or love, but by how much you have, how loud you are, and how many people follow you. This system has normalized ego-driven behavior. We excuse it, reward it, even admire it. Famous Examples: When Ego Rules Let’s take a closer look at a few familiar figures: Donald Trump Regardless of politics, he’s widely seen as someone with a strong ego. His success has often come through fear-based negotiation, force, and bold self-promotion. In an ego-driven society, that’s effective. We say, “He gets things done,” even if the cost is emotional, relational, or moral. But this approach brings long-term damage—internally and externally. Resistance follows force. Power built on fear cannot bring peace. Elon Musk A visionary with enormous ambition, but his unfiltered tweets and provocative behavior reveal a restless ego at work. He may create groundbreaking innovations, but the thrill of ego often takes center stage—sometimes overshadowing the mission. This isn’t judgment—it’s observation. We all have ego. But the bigger it grows, the harder it is to see clearly. History Doesn’t Lie Let’s reflect on the past:
The ego always crashes. It’s not a question of if—but when. No illusion can last forever. What’s built on fear, separation, and pride will eventually collapse under its own weight. The Alternative: Letting the Soul Drive The ego isn’t evil. It’s just not meant to lead. The goal isn’t to kill the ego—it’s to move it to the backseat. Let your higher self—your soul, your truth, your deeper wisdom—take the wheel. The ego can still speak up when it needs to protect or push you into action. But it doesn’t need to drive your decisions, relationships, or life purpose. Because a life led by ego may win battles—but it loses peace. And a world led by ego might gain power—but it sacrifices soul. A Final Reflection We are in a time of heightened ego momentum. The world feels louder, angrier, and more divided. That’s not just coincidence—it’s the ego-system in full swing. But awareness is the beginning of transformation. Notice the voice in your mind that demands, defends, and divides. Then ask: Who is really driving? When the soul leads, the path is slower, softer, but infinitely wiser. Want to dive deeper into this topic or share your reflections? Leave a comment or share this article with someone navigating their own ego journey. Let’s raise collective awareness—one soul at a time.  I personally believe that life purpose is something we remember from a spiritual perspective rather than something we create. Of course, this depends on a person’s beliefs, and their viewpoint may differ. For me, I remembered my purpose when I discovered my passion—helping and motivating others to reach their full potential. I believe my purpose was already determined before I was born, but it remained dormant or was gradually unfolding as I matured. When the time was right, I became aware of it, understood it, and eventually began embodying it. This process has been gradual, but now my purpose is very clear to me: to learn, to experience, and to serve others. I believe there was a reason for me to come back to Earth, meaning my purpose was already determined before birth. Once my soul defined this purpose, it had to manifest it into reality—into a physical form—so I was born with this purpose written inside me. But here’s the key: It’s not that you are looking for your purpose. Your purpose has always been guiding you. We often think of purpose as something we must actively seek, as if it’s hidden somewhere outside of us. But in reality, our purpose is always present, subtly directing us through our experiences, passions, and even challenges. The process of life itself is designed to help us remember and align with it. An Analogy: The Meeting of Forgotten Purpose Imagine we all have a condition—not Alzheimer’s, but a type of forgetfulness where we remember bits and pieces, just not everything clearly. We find ourselves in a meeting but don’t remember why we’re there. The entire time, we’re trying to recall the purpose of the meeting and our role in it. We try different things to spark our memory, hoping to find something that feels right, but nothing fully clicks. Since our memory is unreliable, we rely on feelings and intuition. Deep down, we sense we’re in the right place—we planned to be here—but we’re not truly fulfilling our purpose because we don’t fully remember what we came to do. Others in the meeting are in the same situation. Some might remember more than others. Together, we start piecing together clues, helping each other recover fragments of our memory. As more people remember, the purpose of the meeting becomes clearer, and soon, things start moving in the right direction. The key to feeling at peace isn’t just remembering the purpose—it’s fulfilling it. Once we recall why we’re here, the anxiety and frustration fade, giving us clarity. Instead of spending all our time just trying to remember, we can focus on doing what we came here to do—contributing, making a difference, and even helping others remember their purpose too. For Spiritual and Non-Spiritual Perspectives For those on a spiritual path, the journey of purpose looks like this: Higher purpose → Manifested → Living and remembering our higher purpose → Fulfilling our purpose. For those who do not hold spiritual beliefs, purpose can still be deeply meaningful: Nothing → Something → Lost/Confused → Finding a purpose → Fulfillment. Even without believing in a higher purpose, one can still enter “the meeting” with a reason—to learn, to contribute, and to experience life. There’s nothing wrong with not believing in spiritual destiny. The key is long-lasting fulfillment, rather than chasing fleeting goals. Why Does Purpose Seem to Change? Why is it that sometimes we feel certain about pursuing something, only to realize later that it no longer feels right? Because your goal was never meant to last forever. It may have even been aligned with your larger purpose, but only as a fraction of what you were meant to accomplish. The universe guides you into doing something, then out of it, so you can continue fulfilling your greater purpose. Mind vs. Soul: The Illusion of Purpose Purpose exists for the mind at the human level—it needs direction to continue its journey. But the soul is already living its purpose, patiently progressing according to a greater plan. The struggle comes because the mind, limited by ego and human perception, cannot fully comprehend the soul’s deeper purpose. In many cases, the mind’s pursuit of purpose originates from the ego. The ego seeks identity, validation, and significance. It wants to feel special, to achieve something, to leave a mark. This is why people sometimes chase goals that later feel empty—because they were ego-driven rather than soul-aligned. But when the mind finally recognizes the soul’s true purpose, the two align, and purpose is naturally fulfilled. In other words, the moment you realize your true purpose, you are already living it. Whether you feel like you’ve accomplished or fulfilled your purpose is simply the mind trying to measure and understand something that was always in motion. A Lesson from 50 First Dates In 50 First Dates, Adam Sandler’s character, Henry, can be seen as a representation of God/Spirit Guide or an awakened friend trying to help someone (Lucy) recover her memory—just like how an awakened soul helps those who are still “asleep” remember their true purpose. Henry knows that Lucy will likely forget everything by the next morning, yet he has no expectations or frustration. Instead, he patiently works with her, bringing joy into her life each day. He meets her where she is, without force or pressure. Lucy, despite her memory loss, still experiences happiness in her day-to-day life. And Henry, through his unwavering commitment, lives with a sense of purpose every day. This mirrors the journey of awakening—some people forget who they are and why they’re here, but those who remember can gently guide them, not by forcing remembrance, but by being present, patient, and leading with love. In the end, whether one remembers or not, the key is to live with joy and purpose in each moment. “The world exists because of you, not the other way around.” - FeelaSoulphy  Sunnset at Communications Hill, San Jose, California Seeking approval can be a powerful motivator, driving you to achieve higher and larger goals than you might without it. This behavior aligns with the need for external validation, where your sense of self-worth becomes tied to others’ opinions. However, this same force can also become a never-ending source of suffering, much like being on a hedonic treadmill. No matter how much success you achieve, the feeling of accomplishment is short-lived, and you’re left continually seeking more approval. As a result, you may never feel truly accomplished, even when you’ve achieved significant success. You may not even realize that you're seeking approval, as this behavior can be buried deep in your subconscious. Here are some signs to help you recognize it, along with actionable steps to overcome these tendencies: 1. You get upset when someone challenges your ideas. Why this happens: When your sense of worth is tied to approval, disagreements feel like personal attacks rather than opportunities to learn. Solution: Shift your mindset from seeking validation to seeking growth. Embrace challenges as a way to expand your understanding and consider others' perspectives. 2. You feel a rush of happiness when someone agrees with you, and you want to feel it again. Why this happens: This is a form of external validation where your happiness relies on others’ approval. Solution: Practice self-validation. Ask yourself, “Do I believe in my idea or action regardless of others’ approval?” Develop the habit of internally affirming your decisions based on your values. 3. You often feel superior to others or thrive in competitive environments. Why this happens: Competition can be a way to seek validation by proving you're better than others. Solution: Focus on collaboration instead of competition. Aim to grow alongside others rather than surpassing them. Shift from ego-driven goals to community-oriented objectives. 4. You're addicted to the feeling of success and need to keep achieving more. Why this happens: Achieving success can create a "high," but when that fades, you may feel empty and seek another achievement to fill the void. Solution: Reframe success as an ongoing journey rather than a destination. Practice mindfulness and celebrate your small wins along the way. Develop a sense of contentment with where you are in the present moment. 5. You love recognition and crave being noticed or acknowledged for your efforts. Why this happens: The need for recognition can stem from a lack of internal self-worth. Solution: Cultivate self-recognition. Journaling can help—write down your accomplishments daily and appreciate them, even if no one else does. Practice recognizing your value independent of external praise. 6. You love to argue or prove your point. Why this happens: Constantly defending your ideas can be a way of seeking validation for your beliefs. Solution: Learn to detach your self-worth from being right. Instead of seeking to win arguments, focus on healthy dialogues where both parties can learn and grow. 7. You enjoy seeing others fail or feel envious of their success. Why this happens: When success is tied to external validation, others' achievements can feel like a threat to your own self-worth. Solution: Practice genuine happiness for others' success. This helps shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, reminding you that there's enough success for everyone. 8. You crave attention or seek validation from others. Why this happens: The desire for attention often comes from an internal void that hasn’t been filled with self-love. Solution: Develop self-compassion and practice being alone without needing external distractions or validation. Meditation and mindfulness can help strengthen your internal sense of worth. 9. You find yourself people-pleasing, sacrificing your own needs to win approval. Why this happens: People-pleasing is a classic form of seeking approval, as it focuses on making others happy at your own expense. Solution: Set boundaries and practice saying no. Realize that your worth isn’t dependent on how much you do for others, but on being true to yourself. 10. You love hearing compliments and constantly seek external praise. Why this happens: Compliments can feel validating, but relying on them can create dependency. Solution: Instead of seeking external praise, learn to give yourself compliments. Practice affirmations and build a positive internal dialogue to reinforce your self-esteem. 11. You struggle to let go of past failures, fearing judgment. Why this happens: Fear of judgment ties your self-worth to your past mistakes. Solution: Embrace failure as a learning experience. Everyone makes mistakes—what matters is how you grow from them. Develop resilience by practicing self-forgiveness. 12. You try too hard to persuade others to believe what you believe. Why this happens: Needing others to agree with you stems from a fear of being wrong or misunderstood. Solution: Accept that not everyone will share your beliefs, and that’s okay. Let go of the need to convince others, focusing instead on having open, respectful discussions. 13. You have an insistent need to be right all the time. Why this happens: Being right can feel like a way to affirm your intelligence or competence. Solution: Practice intellectual humility. Recognize that learning from others, and being open to new ideas, is more valuable than always being right. 14. You frequently complain or seek sympathy from others. Why this happens: Seeking sympathy can be a way of attracting attention and approval from others. Solution: Shift from complaining to problem-solving. Take ownership of your challenges and focus on solutions rather than seeking sympathy. 15. Others' opinions and judgments have a strong impact on your emotions and self-worth. Why this happens: When your self-esteem is based on others' opinions, you become vulnerable to external judgments. Solution: Practice detaching from others’ opinions. Ask yourself, “What do 'I' think?” and work on building a strong internal sense of self that isn’t swayed by external views. 16. You take credit for other people’s work to gain approval. Why this happens: This behavior arises from a desire to appear more competent or accomplished than you feel. Solution: Acknowledge the contributions of others openly and practice gratitude. Recognize that collaboration can be more rewarding than personal accolades. Overcoming approval-seeking behavior is a journey that requires patience and self-awareness. By recognizing these signs and adopting healthier practices, you can shift from relying on external validation to fostering inner confidence and peace. Imagine how liberating and peaceful it would feel to let go of the burden of seeking approval in your life. Cultivating self-esteem from within empowers you to live authentically and freely, without the constant pressure to seek validation from others.  If ego gratification fuels your cause, you might resort to unethical actions to satisfy it, risking burnout and even severe irreversible consequences. A lasting motivation requires a higher purpose beyond self-preservation to endure a lifetime. Consider the contrasting stories of Lance Armstrong and Mahatma Gandhi. Armstrong's ego-driven decisions in professional cycling, such as doping scandals, resulted in a downfall. In contrast, Gandhi, motivated by a higher purpose of justice and societal improvement, pursued nonviolent resistance for India's independence. Reflect on whose legacy endures—Armstrong's with consequences or Gandhi's with lessons for current and future generations. Who would you aspire to be? - Feelasoulphy  To dissolve one’s ego it must be penetrated from the inside because the ego is an extremely effective natural survival mechanism that’s designed to protect the person from any outside attack. Therefore, force seldom works against someone with a lot of pride. Change must be a choice chosen by the heart that ultimately transcends the ego. - Feelasoulphy  Pride and ego hinder growth. So, the more pride and ego you have the less you will grow. - Feelasoulphy  The ego never desires true happiness for you because it doesn’t comprehend what it is. The ego only wants to be high from one moment to the next so it has you addicted to the feeling. If you are seeking for long lasting true happiness, ask your heart. It knows exactly where it is. - Feelasoulphy  Ego demands respect. Humility is respect. Ego uses force to demand respect, but it often ends up with the opposite of what it wants. On the other hand, humility is respect. It needs nothing more or less to obtain what it already is. - Feelasoulphy |
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