Seeking approval can be a powerful motivator, driving you to achieve higher and larger goals than you might without it. This behavior aligns with the need for external validation, where your sense of self-worth becomes tied to others’ opinions. However, this same force can also become a never-ending source of suffering, much like being on a hedonic treadmill. No matter how much success you achieve, the feeling of accomplishment is short-lived, and you’re left continually seeking more approval. As a result, you may never feel truly accomplished, even when you’ve achieved significant success. You may not even realize that you're seeking approval, as this behavior can be buried deep in your subconscious. Here are some signs to help you recognize it, along with actionable steps to overcome these tendencies: 1. You get upset when someone challenges your ideas. Why this happens: When your sense of worth is tied to approval, disagreements feel like personal attacks rather than opportunities to learn. Solution: Shift your mindset from seeking validation to seeking growth. Embrace challenges as a way to expand your understanding and consider others' perspectives. 2. You feel a rush of happiness when someone agrees with you, and you want to feel it again. Why this happens: This is a form of external validation where your happiness relies on others’ approval. Solution: Practice self-validation. Ask yourself, “Do I believe in my idea or action regardless of others’ approval?” Develop the habit of internally affirming your decisions based on your values. 3. You often feel superior to others or thrive in competitive environments. Why this happens: Competition can be a way to seek validation by proving you're better than others. Solution: Focus on collaboration instead of competition. Aim to grow alongside others rather than surpassing them. Shift from ego-driven goals to community-oriented objectives. 4. You're addicted to the feeling of success and need to keep achieving more. Why this happens: Achieving success can create a "high," but when that fades, you may feel empty and seek another achievement to fill the void. Solution: Reframe success as an ongoing journey rather than a destination. Practice mindfulness and celebrate your small wins along the way. Develop a sense of contentment with where you are in the present moment. 5. You love recognition and crave being noticed or acknowledged for your efforts. Why this happens: The need for recognition can stem from a lack of internal self-worth. Solution: Cultivate self-recognition. Journaling can help—write down your accomplishments daily and appreciate them, even if no one else does. Practice recognizing your value independent of external praise. 6. You love to argue or prove your point. Why this happens: Constantly defending your ideas can be a way of seeking validation for your beliefs. Solution: Learn to detach your self-worth from being right. Instead of seeking to win arguments, focus on healthy dialogues where both parties can learn and grow. 7. You enjoy seeing others fail or feel envious of their success. Why this happens: When success is tied to external validation, others' achievements can feel like a threat to your own self-worth. Solution: Practice genuine happiness for others' success. This helps shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, reminding you that there's enough success for everyone. 8. You crave attention or seek validation from others. Why this happens: The desire for attention often comes from an internal void that hasn’t been filled with self-love. Solution: Develop self-compassion and practice being alone without needing external distractions or validation. Meditation and mindfulness can help strengthen your internal sense of worth. 9. You find yourself people-pleasing, sacrificing your own needs to win approval. Why this happens: People-pleasing is a classic form of seeking approval, as it focuses on making others happy at your own expense. Solution: Set boundaries and practice saying no. Realize that your worth isn’t dependent on how much you do for others, but on being true to yourself. 10. You love hearing compliments and constantly seek external praise. Why this happens: Compliments can feel validating, but relying on them can create dependency. Solution: Instead of seeking external praise, learn to give yourself compliments. Practice affirmations and build a positive internal dialogue to reinforce your self-esteem. 11. You struggle to let go of past failures, fearing judgment. Why this happens: Fear of judgment ties your self-worth to your past mistakes. Solution: Embrace failure as a learning experience. Everyone makes mistakes—what matters is how you grow from them. Develop resilience by practicing self-forgiveness. 12. You try too hard to persuade others to believe what you believe. Why this happens: Needing others to agree with you stems from a fear of being wrong or misunderstood. Solution: Accept that not everyone will share your beliefs, and that’s okay. Let go of the need to convince others, focusing instead on having open, respectful discussions. 13. You have an insistent need to be right all the time. Why this happens: Being right can feel like a way to affirm your intelligence or competence. Solution: Practice intellectual humility. Recognize that learning from others, and being open to new ideas, is more valuable than always being right. 14. You frequently complain or seek sympathy from others. Why this happens: Seeking sympathy can be a way of attracting attention and approval from others. Solution: Shift from complaining to problem-solving. Take ownership of your challenges and focus on solutions rather than seeking sympathy. 15. Others' opinions and judgments have a strong impact on your emotions and self-worth. Why this happens: When your self-esteem is based on others' opinions, you become vulnerable to external judgments. Solution: Practice detaching from others’ opinions. Ask yourself, “What do 'I' think?” and work on building a strong internal sense of self that isn’t swayed by external views. 16. You take credit for other people’s work to gain approval. Why this happens: This behavior arises from a desire to appear more competent or accomplished than you feel. Solution: Acknowledge the contributions of others openly and practice gratitude. Recognize that collaboration can be more rewarding than personal accolades. Overcoming approval-seeking behavior is a journey that requires patience and self-awareness. By recognizing these signs and adopting healthier practices, you can shift from relying on external validation to fostering inner confidence and peace. Imagine how liberating and peaceful it would feel to let go of the burden of seeking approval in your life. Cultivating self-esteem from within empowers you to live authentically and freely, without the constant pressure to seek validation from others.
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Walking along the trail, I reach out to touch the leaves of the trees. In that brief moment, I sense an exchange of energy between us, and I offer them my gratitude—simply for existing and being, for contributing to the world in their quiet, steadfast way. And then it strikes me: shouldn’t I offer this same gratitude to everyone in my life? To appreciate each person, especially those I’ve had conflicts with, for who they truly are, without expecting them to be anything else. This exchange with the trees becomes an exchange of wisdom: Love others just as they are, without expecting more or less from them. - Feelasoulphy True happiness is an internal state, not contingent on the fluctuating circumstances of our external environment. If your joy springs solely from being in the company of friends, then it’s tethered to the presence of others. Similarly, if solitude is your only source of peace, your contentment relies on isolation. If the presence of sound is what brings you joy, then silence may render you restless. Conversely, if quietude is your sanctuary, noise may disrupt your sense of calm. This dependency reveals a profound truth: if our happiness is anchored to specific conditions or individuals, its stability is at risk in their absence. To cultivate a resilient, unwavering sense of joy, we must learn to detach our well-being from external factors. True happiness blooms from within, independent of our surroundings. When we achieve this state of internal harmony, we remain content regardless of external changes. So, I invite you to reflect: what are the pillars upon which your happiness rests? - Feelasoulphy If you're unsure about what aspects of yourself to work on, start by noticing any instances where you tell lies, even small white lies. Ask yourself why you felt the need to be dishonest. Often, there's a deeper reason or truth hiding behind the lie. Uncovering this can lead to profound self-discovery. For instance, the act of lying can sometimes be a defense mechanism or a way to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths or fears. By asking yourself why you felt the need to lie, you can begin to address underlying issues, leading to personal growth and a more authentic life. - Feelasoulphy Nature's beauty may be deceiving; a closer look at plants and flowers reveals imperfections, like missing leaves and broken branches. Yet, this doesn't diminish their perfection. In reality, they embody perfection by serving their purpose—to sacrifice for others. Similarly, we, and everything in the universe, exist to serve others by simply being ourselves. Our brokenness imparts vital life lessons to us and those around us, forming a perfect and beautiful mosaic. - Feelasoulphy Imagine you are lost in darkness, and suddenly, you see a light in the distance. Excited, you move toward it and find someone holding a torch. You feel a surge of hope, thinking that you're no longer alone and there’s a way out of the darkness. But soon, the person with the torch has to go their own way, leaving you in the dark once more. They might hand you a candle to keep, but that candle is fragile, easily blown out by the first gust of wind. Eventually, you’re left without light again. What you truly need is to find your own torch—or better yet, a flashlight with a supply of batteries. Another approach is to surround yourself with people who already have torches. Their collective light illuminates the path around you, giving you the clarity you need until you find your own source of light. On the other hand, if you remain around those who have only candles or no light at all, your chances of thriving diminish. That’s why mentorship and being in the right environment matter. When you're among the right people, they not only show you the way but also empower you to find and carry your own light. - Feelasoulphy Have you ever marveled at the intricate processes that sustain life, such as how a single cell divides and proliferates into trillions of specialized cells, forming the complex organism we call the human body? This natural phenomenon is not just a marvel of biology—it may also offer us profound insights into the nature of existence itself. Imagine for a moment that the universe, or God, began as a single, unified consciousness. This consciousness, desiring to know and experience itself in all its infinite possibilities, began a process of self-division. It split into two, then four, then countless individual aspects—much like a single cell proliferating into a multitude of cells, each with its unique role and identity. But just as the cells in our bodies remain connected, working in harmony to sustain the whole, so too are all aspects of this original consciousness still interconnected. What if this proliferation of consciousness was not random, but a deliberate act of creation? Just as a cell divides to contribute to the growth and maintenance of the body, perhaps each aspect of this original consciousness was created to explore a unique facet of existence. Each of us, in our individuality, is an expression of this divine desire to experience life from every possible angle. When we look at the natural world, we see this principle in action everywhere. A single seed grows into a tree, spreading its branches and giving rise to countless leaves, each unique but all connected to the same source. A single fertilized egg divides and differentiates into the vast complexity of a living being. This is nature's way, and it may very well be the way of the cosmos itself. In our bodies, the health of one cell can impact the health of the entire organism. Similarly, in the grand web of existence, the well-being of one individual affects the whole. This interconnectedness is not just a biological truth; it is a spiritual one as well. Just as cells communicate, support, and sometimes even sacrifice themselves for the greater good of the organism, we too are called to recognize our connections to others and to the universe at large. When one cell becomes diseased, it can disrupt the harmony of the body. Likewise, when we act out of alignment with our true nature, it can create discord not just within ourselves but in the world around us. Understanding this connection can lead us to greater compassion, mindfulness, and a deeper sense of responsibility for our actions. The process of cell proliferation offers us a glimpse into the divine blueprint. It shows us that the universe is not a chaotic accident, but a purposeful unfolding of consciousness. Each cell, each being, each experience is part of a larger plan—a cosmic dance in which the One experiences itself as the many. By looking at nature, we can begin to understand our place in this grand design. We are not isolated individuals, but expressions of a unified consciousness that seeks to know itself through us. Our lives, our choices, our very existence is part of this sacred journey. So, the next time you consider the miracle of life, remember that you are part of something much larger than yourself. You are a unique expression of the divine, interconnected with all of creation. Just as cells work together to sustain life, we are all connected in this cosmic exploration, each contributing to the universal experience. Let us honor this connection by living in harmony with one another, recognizing that in doing so, we are fulfilling the very purpose of creation itself: to experience, to grow, and to return, ultimately, to the unity from which we came. - Feelashoulphy "The world is magical, it’s our perception that’s dull."
- Feelasoulphy We often define "magical" as something so beautiful or delightful that it seems removed from everyday life. But here's the issue: what happens when everything becomes just "everyday life"? Nothing feels extraordinary anymore. The world loses its wonder, and everything starts to seem normal and mundane. Imagine if dragons flew in the sky every day—wouldn't they soon become as ordinary as birds? Or consider if cancer could be cured as easily as a common cold—would we still see it as a miracle? When the extraordinary becomes routine, we stop noticing the magic around us. To rediscover the magic and wonder in our lives, we need to see the world with the eyes of a child. For a child, everything is new and exciting. They are naturally curious, living fully in the present moment. The world is a vast, unexplored place filled with endless possibilities. But as we grow older, we start to believe that we've seen it all. We stop exploring, and learning becomes a chore. Education shifts from a joyful discovery to a responsibility, driven by grades and the expectations of others. So, how can we learn to love learning again? The answer lies in rekindling our curiosity—just like a child. When we are curious, we want to learn. We don’t need to be forced; the desire to know drives us. We want to understand why things are the way they are, and we eagerly seek out the answers on our own. Today, we have countless tools at our disposal to satisfy our curiosity. The answers are out there; we just need to ask the right questions. To trigger our childlike curiosity again, we need to observe the world closely and perceive things in ways that aren’t taught to us. Look at a seed—how does it grow from something so small into a towering tree? Isn’t that magical? How is it that birds can fly while we remain grounded? How can we communicate with someone on the other side of the world in real-time through a device? We even have the ability to transform our bodies, changing form through exercise—like modern-day shapeshifters. And perhaps most magical of all, we have the power to create life itself. These everyday miracles are astonishing when we stop to think about them. Life is full of wonders, waiting to be explored. It’s not life that becomes mundane; it’s our perception of it. We must encourage our children—and ourselves—to keep asking "why." Let’s be patient, explore the unknown together, and allow ourselves to be amazed by the world once more. - Feelasoulphy |
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