Have you ever wondered why conflict seems inevitable with certain people in your life, especially family members? No matter how much you grow, they still treat you the way they always have—like the child, the troublemaker, or the person they once knew. This disconnect often leads to frustration, misunderstandings, and even emotional pain.

The Root of Conflict: A Perception Gap

Conflict often arises when who others think we are no longer matches who we have become. They interact with an outdated version of us, while we expect them to see and respect the person we are today.

For example, a parent may still treat their adult child like they are incapable, simply because that’s how they remember them. Meanwhile, the child—now grown and independent—resents being treated that way. The result? Repeated arguments, emotional triggers, and a cycle of frustration.

This dynamic isn’t just limited to parent-child relationships; it happens in friendships, romantic relationships, and even workplaces. The version of you that people hold in their minds is often based on past interactions, and unless something forces them to update their perception, they continue responding to you in the same old ways.

Why People Struggle to See Our Growth

People are naturally resistant to change—especially when it comes to relationships. Familiarity feels safe, even if the dynamic is unhealthy. When someone sees you differently, it forces them to question their role in the relationship.

For example, a controlling parent might feel less needed if they acknowledge that their child has become independent. A long-time friend may feel threatened if they see you growing in ways they haven’t. A romantic partner may resist change because they fear losing the dynamic they once knew.

Without realizing it, people may try to pull you back into old patterns not out of malice, but out of their own fears and insecurities.

How We Keep Ourselves Stuck in Old Dynamics

Even when we’ve grown, our reactions often reinforce the past version of us.

If you’ve always argued with a parent who belittles you, reacting defensively only confirms their belief that you are still the same. If a friend still treats you like the reckless person you used to be, and you get frustrated instead of calmly correcting them, you feed their outdated perception.

This is why it’s refreshing to meet new people. They see us as we are today—without the baggage of past interactions. But this doesn’t mean old relationships are doomed. They can be rekindled if both parties become aware of these dynamics.

How to Shift the Relationship Dynamic

1. Understand Their Perception

• Instead of assuming they are intentionally disrespecting you, recognize that they simply don’t see your growth yet.
• Ask yourself: “What version of me do they see?” and “Why might they struggle to update that perception?”
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2. Communicate Your Growth

• You can’t expect people to just know you’ve changed. Show them through actions and words.
• Example: Instead of saying, “I’m not a child anymore,” demonstrate it by handling situations with maturity and confidence.

3. Stop Reacting Like Your Old Self

• When you react emotionally in a way that matches their outdated view of you, you reinforce it.
• Instead, respond as your present self—with calmness, confidence, and clarity.

4. Give It Time

• People don’t change their perceptions overnight. Consistently embody the new version of yourself, and eventually, they will have no choice but to recognize it.

Final Thoughts

Conflict in relationships isn’t always about who is right or wrong—it’s often about perception gaps. Your growth is real, but the people in your life may not see it yet. Instead of expecting them to automatically adjust, take responsibility for helping them see the new you.
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The more aware we are of these dynamics, the more power we have to break the cycle and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

In order to have a breakthrough there has to be a something blocking you. 

- Feelasoulphy 

If you are truly heart broken, I congratulate you that you have finally arrived at the deepest part of your heart all the way from...your head... 

A wise friend once told me that our life journey is merely the distance from our head to our heart, a whopping 16 inch long! I believe that we spend our entire life traveling back and forth between our head and our heart. We have all been to the heart but it took some of us a traumatic event to go straight to the heart instantly which is a blessing in the sky. When we hit rock bottom and broke down that’s when we can no longer live with all the lies we have been telling ourselves and we finally arrived at the heart. This is a place without ego and only truth exists. When we cry, we cry out of our heart and not our head because we feel it directly from the heart. Sadness is bad if we only focus on the negative emotions that it brings to us. When we turn sadness into compassion we are then acting upon the power of love. Next time when you feel the pain in your heart again remember that you have arrived at the heart and a positive change in your life is in the making. Take this precious opportunity to reflect on things and see what you can do now to improve your life! It’ll always be your choice to stay here or return to your head. 

​- FeelaSoulphy 

Some of the byproducts of ego: anger, jealousy, lack of confidence, taking things personal, making assumptions, violence, criminal acts, mental and physical abuse, discrimination, damaging relationships, judging, can’t let go, stubbornness, disappointments, anxiety, fear, depression, dissatisfaction, etc. 
The more we feed our ego, the less peace and joy we have in life.

If you feel that your ego has caused you sufferings and you want to liberate yourself from the everlasting Ego-System to find peace in life, try these steps to contain your ego:

1. Understand what ego is.
Anything you say and do that does not result in a positive outcome for others and it's only for your selfish fulfillment then it's very likely originated from ego.  When you choose love instead of fear and do and say everything with the best intent for the highest good then that is from your higher self. 

2. Be aware of your own ego and others’ ego.
You are not the only one that has an ego. Egos recognize other egos so your ego can trigger other people's egos. Do not engage with other people's ego because it will also trigger yours, which will turn into an ego-battle that no one ends up winning but the ego. 

3. Separate your ego from your higher self.
If you follow the first 2 steps, at some point your higher self will expose your ego. You’ll see the truth and once you do you cannot unsee it. This can be a very uncomfortable and maybe even painful step for you at first because you’ll be shocked by your own ego and its ugly nature. You might even resist your higher self's instructions to do the right things. Nevertheless, in the end you will notice the change within after you go through this process. It’s important that you accept your old self with no exceptions and understand the old version of you is dying. You’re being reborn so there’s no need to continue to feel ashamed and hold on to it. Stop judging the old version of yourself and your ego. Understand that your ego is an essential part of your human experience. Without it you cannot be human and learn the lessons you are here to learn. Thus, you cannot use force to overpower ego since that itself comes from the ego. Be gentle to your ego instead of resist it because what you resist, persists. 

4. Stop setting expectations from others and stop trying to live up to other people’s expectations. This is all about you trying to secure ego feasting. 

5. Pay attention to your feelings, emotions, actions, reactions, thoughts, and words(F.E.A.R.T.W). Why did you say or do that? Was it from your ego or your higher self? 

6. Before you say and do anything ask yourself if it’s from your ego or your higher self? Does it serve a higher purpose and benefit others or is it just to feed your ego? Often times you might catch telling yourself this is the right thing to do. However, deep down you feel otherwise. That gut feeling is your inner guidance from your higher self that's telling you not to do it. You need to learn to pay attention and listen to your intuitions instead of being influenced by your external environment or society's conventional beliefs. Do not ever feel pressured to say and do anything. What others think of you will not hurt you as long as you don't allow your thoughts to hurt you. 

By taking these steps your ego will be starved and contained. Your life will not be overran by yours or anyone else's ego. You will feel like being in the driver's seat steering the direction of your life. However, keep in mind that although your ego sits in the backseat it can still be a backseat driver from time to time and maybe even taking over the driver seat once in a while. That's okay because containing ego can take a lifetime to master and you have plenty of time to work on it. At least now you are aware of its existence and finding ways to make peace with it. Remember to be thankful and loving to your ego. It's there for a very good reason. 

​- FeelaSoulphy

​Our ego causes so much of our own and each other’s sufferings, yet we have very little awareness of it. Many great wars in our history were started by one individual’s threatened and fragile ego that ended up causing millions of lives. We’ve been stuck here for millennia because we have built an Ego-System deep in our culture and our society that ensures us to continue to feed each other’s ego without interruption. Just look around you, the commercials we watch daily, tv shows, movies, social media, sports, politics, our leaders, parents, workplace, friends, schools, relationships, and our interactions with each other. They’re mainly designed to satisfy one thing, our ego. Majority of the things we say and do are coming from ego instead of our higher self. We rely on our ego to “survive” in this world and we profit from continually feeding that ego. There’s no end to this vicious cycle unless we become more aware of it and try to contain it. In the next post I’ll share a few tips on how to contain your ego and end some of your sufferings. 

​- FeelaSoulphy