 What Is Healing? In the simplest English, healing means “to make whole again, to restore health, to mend what is broken.” But true healing is not limited to the body—it is also emotional, mental, and spiritual. Healing is the process of returning to balance, of easing suffering, of restoring love where love has been absent. Why We Need Healing So many of us walk through life unaware that we are hurting. I didn’t always know I carried pain. I thought my reactions, my triggers, my habits were just “who I was.” But beneath them lived old wounds. And as the saying goes: hurt people hurt people. When we don’t recognize our own pain, it seeps into the way we speak, the choices we make, and the relationships we hold. We end up passing on our unhealed wounds to others—just as others once passed theirs onto us. Healing begins with awareness: to see the wound for what it is, to understand why it formed, and to choose not to keep repeating it. Discovering the Power of Love When I began my healing journey, I discovered that true healing does not come from outside—it comes from love. I had to learn to love myself first. Only then did I understand how to truly love others. Through that, I realized something simple yet life-changing: life is about love—giving it, receiving it, and becoming it. The Greatest Healers Were Lovers The people we remember most as “healers” were not medical doctors with stethoscopes—they were people who loved greatly.
When Love Is Absent History also shows us what happens when love is missing.
We Are All Healers Here’s the truth: every single one of us carries this healing power. You don’t need a degree or a title. A kind word can mend a broken spirit. A gentle touch can soothe pain that lingers unspoken. Your presence, offered without judgment, can bring peace to someone’s storm. Of course, love is not a substitute for medicine. Certain conditions require professional care, and we must honor that. But alongside medicine, love is the force that restores the soul. The Invitation The question is not “Can I heal?” but “Am I willing to love?” Because when you choose love, you choose healing. And when you choose healing, you help mend the world. Read: It's All about Love - Even When It looks Like the Opposite
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 Bay Bridge, San Francisco-Oakland, California, USA Growing Up Without Boundaries: My Personal Story Growing up in an authoritative household, I never really had the space to explore my own preferences. My mother made the decisions for me—what I should do, feel, and want. There was no room for my opinions. That pattern shaped me into someone incredibly easygoing—too easygoing, to the point where I didn’t know where I ended and others began. I became someone who just went along with whatever others wanted, thinking that was the path of least resistance. And sure, on one hand, it made me flexible and able to enjoy almost any situation. But the cost? I lost touch with what I wanted. The Cost of Not Having Boundaries I struggled with making decisions. I’d let others take the lead—not out of respect, but out of habit and fear of conflict. I didn’t speak up when something bothered me. And when people—often unknowingly—crossed lines I didn’t even know I had, I’d silently stew. I’d build resentment. And then, instead of addressing the issue, I’d retreat. I became passive-aggressive, slowly backing out of relationships without ever really explaining why. What Healthy Boundaries Really Mean It took me years to realize: boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out. They’re bridges to help others meet us where we are. But to even build that bridge, we have to know where we stand. Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Love and Self-Respect One of the most powerful truths I’ve learned is this: boundaries are not just about protecting yourself from others. They are acts of self-love and self-respect. When you set a boundary, you are sending a message to yourself and the world: "I matter. My feelings, my needs, and my energy deserve to be honored." This is not selfish—it’s sacred. Without boundaries, we give too much, we say yes when we mean no, we bend until we break. And slowly, we disconnect from ourselves. But when we start setting healthy limits, we rebuild that connection. We begin to treat ourselves the way we want others to treat us. And something beautiful happens: when we respect ourselves, others learn to respect us too. Setting boundaries isn’t just about making your life more peaceful—it’s about making your relationships more authentic. When people know what you need and where you stand, they can engage with you honestly, without guessing or overstepping. It’s not only a gift to yourself; it’s a gift to everyone you love. Loving yourself enough to set boundaries is one of the most courageous and compassionate things you can do—not just for you, but for everyone around you. Why Self-Awareness Comes First The first step to creating healthy personal boundaries is self-awareness. We can’t communicate what we need until we understand what makes us feel seen, respected, and safe. Sometimes, what we call a boundary is actually a wound—a sore spot from the past. If someone’s words or actions offend us, it’s worth asking: is this about them, or is it a reflection of something I haven’t healed yet? When we don't do that inner work, we risk setting boundaries based on fear, not freedom. We might end up pushing away the very experiences and people who could help us grow. Examples of Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries That’s why I believe in healthy boundaries—those that are rooted in clarity, not confusion. Here are a few examples: Unhealthy Boundary: “I never let anyone get close to me because I don’t want to be hurt.” Healthy Boundary: “I take my time getting to know people and only open up when I feel emotionally safe.” Unhealthy Boundary: “If someone says something I don’t like, I cut them off immediately.” Healthy Boundary: “If something upsets me, I take a moment to reflect and then have a calm conversation about it.” Unhealthy Boundary: “I let people do whatever they want so I don’t cause drama.” Healthy Boundary: “I express my needs clearly and respectfully, knowing that honest communication builds stronger connections.” How to Communicate Boundaries Effectively Once you've done the inner work and become clear on what your boundaries are, the next step is learning how to express them in a way that is both firm and compassionate. Here are a few proven methods for communicating personal boundaries: 1. Use "I" Statements This helps reduce defensiveness and keeps the focus on your feelings.
2. Be Direct, Not Aggressive Kindness and firmness can coexist. Express your needs without attacking.
3. Set Clear Consequences Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions.
4. Repeat and Reinforce You might have to restate your boundary more than once.
Final Thoughts: Practice Makes Progress Boundaries aren’t about creating distance. They’re about creating clarity. They let others know how to love and respect us. And they teach us how to love and respect ourselves. So if you’ve struggled with boundaries like I have, be gentle with yourself. You’re not broken. You’re learning. Boundaries aren’t something you suddenly master—they’re something you practice. And the more you practice, the more your relationships—starting with the one you have with yourself—begin to thrive.  Bella From the day we’re born, we are entangled with love. It begins before we even know the word—when we’re held, fed, smiled at (or not). That early interaction sets a blueprint for what love feels like. And more importantly, it shapes how we believe we must behave in order to receive it. Most people assume love is just a spiritual ideal—something soft and poetic that we strive for in relationships or spiritual teachings. But what most don’t realize is this: Love is also psychological. Love is biological. Love is survival. When people behave badly—when they lie, control, dominate, brag, lash out—it doesn’t look like love at all. But if you trace it all the way back to the root, it always leads to love. Or more specifically: the need to be loved. The Example of Donald Trump Let’s take a figure who represents dominance, pride, and controversy: Donald Trump. To many, he’s arrogant, aggressive, self-obsessed, divisive. He boasts about being a winner, having the best words, the highest ratings, the strongest policies. He demands loyalty. He hates being criticized. He portrays himself as the savior of America and insists the world recognize his greatness. At first glance, none of this sounds like a man seeking love. It sounds like a man seeking power. But look closer. Power is often a substitute for love. It’s what people reach for when they don’t believe they can simply be loved for who they are. When a person constantly brags, what are they really saying? “Please see me. Please tell me I matter. Please validate that I’m good enough.” When someone can’t tolerate being wrong, they’re often screaming inside: “I don’t feel safe being vulnerable. If I’m flawed, I won’t be loved.” Everything becomes a performance to prove their worth—because deep down, they never felt loved without having to earn it. Broken Strategies for Love We all have our own twisted strategies for getting love, based on what we learned in childhood. Some people:
Trump’s behavior is just a loud, extreme example of what we all do in subtler ways. If you look past the politics, the headlines, and your opinion of him—you’ll see a scared child inside a powerful man, still trying to prove he is worthy of love. This Isn’t About Justifying Harm Understanding that people are wounded doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. Compassion and accountability must coexist. But when we look at human behavior through the lens of “This person is trying to get love in the only way they know how,” it breaks the cycle of judgment and hatred. And it helps us do the same for ourselves. Love: The Hidden Force Behind It All This is why spiritual teachers keep saying: “Life is all about love.” Not because it’s a feel-good phrase, but because it’s the underlying motivator behind everything we do. Whether we’re succeeding, sabotaging, pushing people away, or drawing them close-- we’re just trying to get back to the feeling of being safe, seen, and accepted. We want what we were born for. We want what the soul remembers. We want love. This is also why so many people love having pets. On a conscious or unconscious level, we are drawn to animals because they offer us an experience of unconditional love—whether we’re receiving it or giving it. Your dog doesn’t care how much money you make or how many mistakes you’ve made. They love you when you’re a mess and when you’re on top of the world. They’re excited to see you come home and sad when you leave. That’s not neediness—it’s devotion. Remember this: you may have many people in your life, but your pet only has you. You are their one and only source of love. So be gentle with them. Take good care of them. They too just want to feel loved—just like you. A Practice for Reflection Next time you catch yourself:
Pause and ask: “What am I really trying to get right now?” “How am I trying to get love?” Then take it a step further and ask: “Who might be hurting because of how I’m trying to get love?” “What is the cost of my unmet needs for the person on the receiving end?” And when you witness someone else behaving badly, try asking: “What twisted strategy for love might they be using?” Just because you’re trying to feel loved doesn’t mean others aren’t feeling unloved in the process. Be mindful: the ways we reach for love—if rooted in fear, control, or insecurity—can push others away or even harm them. And when that happens, we’re not only not getting the love we want, we’re also blocking the love we already have. Healing begins with awareness. Love begins with responsibility. Final Thought The world doesn’t need more punishment. It needs more understanding. It needs more people willing to look beneath the behavior and see the wound. That doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or enabling harm. It means living from the wisdom that says: “Even the most unlovable-seeming person is trying, in their own broken way, to be loved.” That, too, includes you. This post is dedicated to my favoriate dog in the world - Bella, who guided me to this deeper realization about love. Read: The Healing Power of Love  Sunrise at Communications Hill, San Jose, California, USA Society often pushes us to be the best-to reach the top and stay there. But what happens when the title is lost? The truth is, you don’t need to be the best at what you do, as long as you give your best. Being the best is temporary. No one stays at the top forever, and you shouldn’t want to. Progress depends on people surpassing each other. If you attach your identity to being the best, you set yourself up for suffering when the inevitable happens. Look at top athletes-world records never last forever. Someone always comes along and breaks them. If an athlete’s entire identity is built around their record, losing it can feel like losing themselves. The Cost of Being the Best Many high achievers struggle with this reality. Here are two famous examples: 1. Michael Phelps - The most decorated Olympian of all time, yet after the 2012 Olympics, he fell into deep depression. He later admitted he felt lost without swimming, realizing that chasing gold medals had become his entire identity. 2. Tyson Fury - After reaching the pinnacle of boxing by defeating Wladimir Klitschko, he spiraled into depression, alcoholism, and even contemplated suicide. He later shared that his suffering came from having no purpose beyond being “the best”. These examples show that when success is tied to external validation, losing it can be devastating. The Power of Giving Your Best Instead of trying to be the best, focus on trying your best. This shift changes everything:
The irony is that those who always give their best often become their best-but without the fear of losing it. The Journey vs. The Destination Success is often seen as a destination, but in reality, it’s the journey that matters. Being the best is about reaching the top and proving something to the world. Giving your best is about continuous growth and proving something to yourself. The process of discovering your full potential is the real goal. If you only care about being the best, you stop learning once you get there. But if you focus on always giving your best, you never stop evolving. Let Go and Surrender The world encourages us to chase being the best, but it misunderstands the real path to fulfillment. Success isn’t about holding a title-it’s about becoming the best version of yourself through relentless effort. Try your best and let the universe take care of the rest. Success comes and goes, but self-mastery stays with you forever.  Sunnset at Communications Hill, San Jose, California Seeking approval can be a powerful motivator, driving you to achieve higher and larger goals than you might without it. This behavior aligns with the need for external validation, where your sense of self-worth becomes tied to others’ opinions. However, this same force can also become a never-ending source of suffering, much like being on a hedonic treadmill. No matter how much success you achieve, the feeling of accomplishment is short-lived, and you’re left continually seeking more approval. As a result, you may never feel truly accomplished, even when you’ve achieved significant success. You may not even realize that you're seeking approval, as this behavior can be buried deep in your subconscious. Here are some signs to help you recognize it, along with actionable steps to overcome these tendencies: 1. You get upset when someone challenges your ideas. Why this happens: When your sense of worth is tied to approval, disagreements feel like personal attacks rather than opportunities to learn. Solution: Shift your mindset from seeking validation to seeking growth. Embrace challenges as a way to expand your understanding and consider others' perspectives. 2. You feel a rush of happiness when someone agrees with you, and you want to feel it again. Why this happens: This is a form of external validation where your happiness relies on others’ approval. Solution: Practice self-validation. Ask yourself, “Do I believe in my idea or action regardless of others’ approval?” Develop the habit of internally affirming your decisions based on your values. 3. You often feel superior to others or thrive in competitive environments. Why this happens: Competition can be a way to seek validation by proving you're better than others. Solution: Focus on collaboration instead of competition. Aim to grow alongside others rather than surpassing them. Shift from ego-driven goals to community-oriented objectives. 4. You're addicted to the feeling of success and need to keep achieving more. Why this happens: Achieving success can create a "high," but when that fades, you may feel empty and seek another achievement to fill the void. Solution: Reframe success as an ongoing journey rather than a destination. Practice mindfulness and celebrate your small wins along the way. Develop a sense of contentment with where you are in the present moment. 5. You love recognition and crave being noticed or acknowledged for your efforts. Why this happens: The need for recognition can stem from a lack of internal self-worth. Solution: Cultivate self-recognition. Journaling can help—write down your accomplishments daily and appreciate them, even if no one else does. Practice recognizing your value independent of external praise. 6. You love to argue or prove your point. Why this happens: Constantly defending your ideas can be a way of seeking validation for your beliefs. Solution: Learn to detach your self-worth from being right. Instead of seeking to win arguments, focus on healthy dialogues where both parties can learn and grow. 7. You enjoy seeing others fail or feel envious of their success. Why this happens: When success is tied to external validation, others' achievements can feel like a threat to your own self-worth. Solution: Practice genuine happiness for others' success. This helps shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, reminding you that there's enough success for everyone. 8. You crave attention or seek validation from others. Why this happens: The desire for attention often comes from an internal void that hasn’t been filled with self-love. Solution: Develop self-compassion and practice being alone without needing external distractions or validation. Meditation and mindfulness can help strengthen your internal sense of worth. 9. You find yourself people-pleasing, sacrificing your own needs to win approval. Why this happens: People-pleasing is a classic form of seeking approval, as it focuses on making others happy at your own expense. Solution: Set boundaries and practice saying no. Realize that your worth isn’t dependent on how much you do for others, but on being true to yourself. 10. You love hearing compliments and constantly seek external praise. Why this happens: Compliments can feel validating, but relying on them can create dependency. Solution: Instead of seeking external praise, learn to give yourself compliments. Practice affirmations and build a positive internal dialogue to reinforce your self-esteem. 11. You struggle to let go of past failures, fearing judgment. Why this happens: Fear of judgment ties your self-worth to your past mistakes. Solution: Embrace failure as a learning experience. Everyone makes mistakes—what matters is how you grow from them. Develop resilience by practicing self-forgiveness. 12. You try too hard to persuade others to believe what you believe. Why this happens: Needing others to agree with you stems from a fear of being wrong or misunderstood. Solution: Accept that not everyone will share your beliefs, and that’s okay. Let go of the need to convince others, focusing instead on having open, respectful discussions. 13. You have an insistent need to be right all the time. Why this happens: Being right can feel like a way to affirm your intelligence or competence. Solution: Practice intellectual humility. Recognize that learning from others, and being open to new ideas, is more valuable than always being right. 14. You frequently complain or seek sympathy from others. Why this happens: Seeking sympathy can be a way of attracting attention and approval from others. Solution: Shift from complaining to problem-solving. Take ownership of your challenges and focus on solutions rather than seeking sympathy. 15. Others' opinions and judgments have a strong impact on your emotions and self-worth. Why this happens: When your self-esteem is based on others' opinions, you become vulnerable to external judgments. Solution: Practice detaching from others’ opinions. Ask yourself, “What do 'I' think?” and work on building a strong internal sense of self that isn’t swayed by external views. 16. You take credit for other people’s work to gain approval. Why this happens: This behavior arises from a desire to appear more competent or accomplished than you feel. Solution: Acknowledge the contributions of others openly and practice gratitude. Recognize that collaboration can be more rewarding than personal accolades. Overcoming approval-seeking behavior is a journey that requires patience and self-awareness. By recognizing these signs and adopting healthier practices, you can shift from relying on external validation to fostering inner confidence and peace. Imagine how liberating and peaceful it would feel to let go of the burden of seeking approval in your life. Cultivating self-esteem from within empowers you to live authentically and freely, without the constant pressure to seek validation from others.  You don’t have to understand emotions to experience them but when you do understand them you will be able to control them. - Feelasoulphy  Why do some animals employ camouflage? It serves as their survival mechanism, shielding them from potential dangers and aiding in hunting by allowing them to conceal themselves. Elephants and rhinos, however, don't require camouflage. Why? Simply put, they face no imminent threats and have no need to hunt for food. They exist comfortably in their own skins. Consider humans who alter their personalities in various environments. This behavior may stem from fear, either of non-acceptance or discomfort in expressing their true selves, or it could be driven by a desire to achieve specific objectives. Reflect on yourself – are you or anyone you know camouflaging? If so, for what reason? - Feelasouply  As long as you take two steps forward it’s okay to take one step backward. The math still works in your favor. - Feelasoulphy  When we try to change each other, we fight. When we try to change ourselves, we love. - Feelasoulphy  If you don’t accept who you are, how can you accept others and be accepted by others? If you don’t think you are attractive, how can you expect others to attract to you? If you are not honest to yourself, how can you be honest to anyone else? If you judge others it’s because you judge yourself. Love yourself unconditionally first you will learn how to love others and be loved unconditionally. Improve yourself and start within... - FeelaSoulphy |
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