​Since the day you were born you have been working on yourself. You learned to crawl, walk, run, and speak, etc. You went to school to better yourself and studied how the world works. You improved yourself so you could build a dream career. You learned to court so you could find your life companion. You then learned how to be a parent to take good care of your children. This learning process goes on and on until the day you die.

Everything you do in your life is for you, by you, and to you, even the things you do for/to others. This is because we always do things with the intention and belief to make ourselves feel good either now or in the future. Think for a second why you do anything. Why do you eat, sleep, work, workout, watch scary movies, go on roller coasters, date, love and be loved, have a child or a pet, get married, create, get a house, play a game, do drugs, harm others, etc. 100% of our experiences in our entire life are created from within and return right back to us in the form of feelings. These experiences only occur internally although they are often triggered by external events. Even our 5 senses are there to help us experience all different types of feelings we get. Our life goal is about creating more long-lasting good feelings and avoiding bad feelings. These feelings are so important for us that without them we would lose the meaning of life. Knowing the reasons for our drive to do all things is a great start because if we do not comprehend this, we tend to let our feelings misguide us into doing things that will create more bad feelings/experiences. Furthermore, we need to understand why sometimes bad feelings are also good for our growth. This feeling stuff really deserves another post of its own so stay tuned for further explanations in a future post.

I understand this might all sound self-fish to you but believe me it’s quite the opposite because when you realize this and fully understand it you will stop trying to change other people to meet your own needs rather focusing on improving yourself. You will no longer argue with people about who is right or wrong because you will respect everyone’s perspectives and not be offended by the differences. You will work on your own emotions and reactions to other people's opinions and start to enjoy seeing the world through other people's eyes. You will also stop blaming others for your own faults and start taking full responsibilities for your own actions. Realizing this is crucial for your self-growth and others around you because people are also directly and indirectly influenced by your words and actions. What you say and act not only will build your own character but also shape other people’s beliefs and character consciously and unconsciously. You must always be responsible for all your actions and words! How many times do you remember something said by someone else that contributed to forming your own belief on certain things? Your own unique personal experiences, thoughts, and actions along with the feelings and emotions you have accumulated throughout your life is what makes you who you are today. You have collected all of these from yourself and everyone else you have ever been in contact with. You are who you hang out with. The closest people you have in life today will help to build the future version of you. At the same time, you are helping to build the future version of someone else. This is an extremely complex process to construct all our characters.

Now, coming back to our subject today, you are the only project you are working on. Although people can influence you, you are the closest person to you. You are the ultimate decision maker of your own life. Even in a situation that you may feel like you are forced to make certain decisions against your own will you are the one that has to choose it. No one else can force you to choose anything you do not want to choose if you believe yourself so strongly. The point is if you dedicate yourself to work on yourself internally you would become a strong minded (not stubborn) person that you would not be easily influenced by others. You would develop the confidence to trust your own judgments and decisions that you know whatever happens you will gain positive outcomes for your personal growth.

Here is an example to illustrate today’s point. You are working on a big home project - remodeling your kitchen. One of the reasons for this project is because your wife wants a new kitchen. She has been bugging you to do this for 2 years now. You finally found the time and motivation to do it because a new kitchen would be nice for the family. And the bonus; your wife will finally stop arguing about this with you. You know this will be a big project, but you also know that you must do it. This may seem like you are forced into a situation that you do not want to be in. Do you have any options? As always, absolutely! You can choose to do it or not. Either way you will make a choice and that choice will lead to certain outcomes for you and your wife. In this situation you will either have an angry wife or a happy wife, which in turn will affect your happiness as well.

Oftentimes we find ourselves in an environment or situation that we are not in control. We also have no idea what the outcomes will be. Life almost never goes exactly according to our plan. Think of this way, every situation is a fixed stage set you have been put on to perform. Although the setting will not change, how you perform in that setting is up to you. Therefore, your approach and your response in that situation and how you deal with the outcomes is the key. You can choose to respond in a negative way or positive way just like the choice you made to work on the kitchen project or not. You can also choose to believe the end results are/will be negative or positive. You can choose to feel bad about your decisions and continue to regret it. By the way, have you noticed that life is full of choices? You are constantly presented in situations where you must make choices each day. In the bigger picture, the kitchen project is not the actual project that you are working on. It is merely a stage that has set up for you to perform. Becoming better at making those choices IS the constant project that you are working on because that will dictate the outcomes of your life in every aspect. Making decisions can be exceedingly difficult at times but you should be grateful that the ability to make a choice is the most powerful tool you have in life. Once you master this tool you will create the life you most desire! We will talk about the power of choice at a different time. For now, you just need to understand why YOU are the project you are working on and nothing else and no one else you need to worry about.

Here is another example, let us say you are the best jumper in the world that you can jump 10 feet off the ground! Many people would think that it is amazing that you define gravity! But do you really? Has the gravity ever changed for you? Will gravity ever change for anyone? Of course, the answer is no. Gravity is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. You can continue to hope the gravity will change for you one day or you can alter what YOU do to improve the jump. Therefore, do not keep trying to stubbornly change the environment you are in, instead adapt yourself into the environment by learning how the environment works and improve your ability to maneuver in it.

I will use one more example. When I decided to write this post, I did it for you and myself because I believe I am doing the right thing which makes me feel good about doing it. In return, through my own writing I have realized many things that I was not aware of. I was able to see things from a few new angles. It is interesting when you start writing, things just come to you naturally. And oftentimes you are the one that is being taught in this process. Funny how the universe teaches us lessons we need through many ways in life. Although the reasons that I did it for myself is no longer a selfish one it took me years to realize that the intention behind all my actions is more important than the results of my actions. I cannot control the outcomes of my doings, but I can always do it with the best intention and give my best effort, and the rest will be left to the universe/nature to work out on its own. I just need to focus on my part in this collective process. I will not expect any specific results, nor will I be disappointed with any results because I believe the results can take years to come to fruition and everything happens for a good reason(s).

I believe if we all focused on working on ourselves instead of asking others to change for us there would be no more social revolutions necessary because the revolutions would only occur within. There would be no more war because before we attempt to destroy our enemies, we would first defeat our own ego. There would be no more hate because we would love ourselves more, thus, we would love others just as much. There would be no more judging towards others because we would pay more attention to our own FEARTw (Feelings, Emotions, Actions, Reactions, Thoughts, Words) first. There would be no more forcing, convincing, arguing, controlling, and manipulating anyone and in any situation. Life would be much more peaceful and harmonic for all of us on earth.

In conclusion, as soon as you realize that you are the only project you are working on, you would never be the victim in your life again. You will take full responsibility for your own actions. You will understand that you can never control or change anyone else but yourself. By changing yourself you will be able to adapt in any type of situation that occurs to you. You will no longer depend on others to make you happy because happiness is on demand. Being happy is as simple as choosing happiness and by creating that long lasting good feelings you always desire. You will also improve yourself at an amazing fast pace. Self-growth becomes a way of life and daily routine. Change will be so easy for you that you will enjoy the process of changing and addicted to improving yourself. At that point you will notice that everything and everyone around you will change by your radiant light and be influenced positively in their lives. This is all because you decided to work on yourself instead of anyone else.

​- FeelaSoulphy