Have you ever wondered why conflict seems inevitable with certain people in your life, especially family members? No matter how much you grow, they still treat you the way they always have—like the child, the troublemaker, or the person they once knew. This disconnect often leads to frustration, misunderstandings, and even emotional pain.

The Root of Conflict: A Perception Gap

Conflict often arises when who others think we are no longer matches who we have become. They interact with an outdated version of us, while we expect them to see and respect the person we are today.

For example, a parent may still treat their adult child like they are incapable, simply because that’s how they remember them. Meanwhile, the child—now grown and independent—resents being treated that way. The result? Repeated arguments, emotional triggers, and a cycle of frustration.

This dynamic isn’t just limited to parent-child relationships; it happens in friendships, romantic relationships, and even workplaces. The version of you that people hold in their minds is often based on past interactions, and unless something forces them to update their perception, they continue responding to you in the same old ways.

Why People Struggle to See Our Growth

People are naturally resistant to change—especially when it comes to relationships. Familiarity feels safe, even if the dynamic is unhealthy. When someone sees you differently, it forces them to question their role in the relationship.

For example, a controlling parent might feel less needed if they acknowledge that their child has become independent. A long-time friend may feel threatened if they see you growing in ways they haven’t. A romantic partner may resist change because they fear losing the dynamic they once knew.

Without realizing it, people may try to pull you back into old patterns not out of malice, but out of their own fears and insecurities.

How We Keep Ourselves Stuck in Old Dynamics

Even when we’ve grown, our reactions often reinforce the past version of us.

If you’ve always argued with a parent who belittles you, reacting defensively only confirms their belief that you are still the same. If a friend still treats you like the reckless person you used to be, and you get frustrated instead of calmly correcting them, you feed their outdated perception.

This is why it’s refreshing to meet new people. They see us as we are today—without the baggage of past interactions. But this doesn’t mean old relationships are doomed. They can be rekindled if both parties become aware of these dynamics.

How to Shift the Relationship Dynamic

1. Understand Their Perception

• Instead of assuming they are intentionally disrespecting you, recognize that they simply don’t see your growth yet.
• Ask yourself: “What version of me do they see?” and “Why might they struggle to update that perception?”
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2. Communicate Your Growth

• You can’t expect people to just know you’ve changed. Show them through actions and words.
• Example: Instead of saying, “I’m not a child anymore,” demonstrate it by handling situations with maturity and confidence.

3. Stop Reacting Like Your Old Self

• When you react emotionally in a way that matches their outdated view of you, you reinforce it.
• Instead, respond as your present self—with calmness, confidence, and clarity.

4. Give It Time

• People don’t change their perceptions overnight. Consistently embody the new version of yourself, and eventually, they will have no choice but to recognize it.

Final Thoughts

Conflict in relationships isn’t always about who is right or wrong—it’s often about perception gaps. Your growth is real, but the people in your life may not see it yet. Instead of expecting them to automatically adjust, take responsibility for helping them see the new you.
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The more aware we are of these dynamics, the more power we have to break the cycle and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

In our fast-paced world, boredom is often seen as an enemy. A void we rush to fill with any form of distraction, afraid of the silence and stillness it brings. But what if I told you that within this void lies a treasure? A profound opportunity for growth, creativity, and self-discovery?

Boredom isn't the issue; our response to it is. When we encounter moments of emptiness, our instinct is to seek immediate stimulation. Yet, it is in these moments, if we dare to embrace them, that our minds can truly wander and explore the depths of our inner selves. This exploration can lead to unexpected insights and breakthroughs, akin to finding gold in a mine thought to be empty.

This concept isn't new. It's echoed in ancient wisdom traditions such as Taoism and Zen Buddhism, where the value of stillness and non-action ("wu wei") is a path to enlightenment. Here, the emptiness is not a void but a space brimming with potential. It's an opportunity for the natural, effortless action that arises from being in harmony with the universe.

Modern psychology supports this ancient wisdom. Research shows that boredom can foster creativity and problem-solving. When not focused on specific tasks, our minds can make unique connections, leading to epiphanies. This is attributed to the brain's default mode network, which springs to life when we're at rest. It's in these moments of unstructured thought that our most profound insights can surface.

Yet, embracing this emptiness requires overcoming our discomfort with inactivity. Our society often equates value with productivity, viewing any moment of stillness as wasted time. This perspective robs us of the profound growth and discovery that lies in what we too quickly dismiss as boredom.

I invite you to see these moments of stillness not as voids to be hastily filled, but as sacred spaces for introspection and growth. By welcoming the silence, we open ourselves to the universe's wisdom and our own untapped potential. The next time you find yourself feeling bored, remember: within that 'void' may lie the breakthrough you've been seeking.

Embrace the stillness. Explore the emptiness. Discover the treasure within.

​Just like an apple tree planted in a small pot, our growth is shaped by the environment we allow ourselves to live in. While the tree can survive in a small container, it will never reach its full potential unless it’s given room to grow. Its roots will remain confined, unable to stretch deep into the soil to gather the nourishment it truly needs.

We, too, are often limited by the boundaries we place around ourselves—whether they be self-doubt, fear of failure, or the expectations of others. If we let ourselves stay in a small “pot,” we may survive, but we won’t thrive. We’ll never know how tall we could stand, how far we could reach, or how much we could give to the world.

But here’s the truth: we can always choose to outgrow our circumstances. We can break free from those limiting conditions and find a bigger space—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—where we can truly flourish.

Take the step today to expand your environment, nurture your soul, and grow beyond what you thought was possible. Your potential is vast, and the world is waiting to see you bloom.

A clear sign that you are growing and maturing is that you are blaming others less and taking more responsibilities for your actions.

- FeelaSoulphy

​Since the day you were born you have been working on yourself. You learned to crawl, walk, run, and speak, etc. You went to school to better yourself and studied how the world works. You improved yourself so you could build a dream career. You learned to court so you could find your life companion. You then learned how to be a parent to take good care of your children. This learning process goes on and on until the day you die.

Everything you do in your life is for you, by you, and to you, even the things you do for/to others. This is because we always do things with the intention and belief to make ourselves feel good either now or in the future. Think for a second why you do anything. Why do you eat, sleep, work, workout, watch scary movies, go on roller coasters, date, love and be loved, have a child or a pet, get married, create, get a house, play a game, do drugs, harm others, etc. 100% of our experiences in our entire life are created from within and return right back to us in the form of feelings. These experiences only occur internally although they are often triggered by external events. Even our 5 senses are there to help us experience all different types of feelings we get. Our life goal is about creating more long-lasting good feelings and avoiding bad feelings. These feelings are so important for us that without them we would lose the meaning of life. Knowing the reasons for our drive to do all things is a great start because if we do not comprehend this, we tend to let our feelings misguide us into doing things that will create more bad feelings/experiences. Furthermore, we need to understand why sometimes bad feelings are also good for our growth. This feeling stuff really deserves another post of its own so stay tuned for further explanations in a future post.

I understand this might all sound self-fish to you but believe me it’s quite the opposite because when you realize this and fully understand it you will stop trying to change other people to meet your own needs rather focusing on improving yourself. You will no longer argue with people about who is right or wrong because you will respect everyone’s perspectives and not be offended by the differences. You will work on your own emotions and reactions to other people's opinions and start to enjoy seeing the world through other people's eyes. You will also stop blaming others for your own faults and start taking full responsibilities for your own actions. Realizing this is crucial for your self-growth and others around you because people are also directly and indirectly influenced by your words and actions. What you say and act not only will build your own character but also shape other people’s beliefs and character consciously and unconsciously. You must always be responsible for all your actions and words! How many times do you remember something said by someone else that contributed to forming your own belief on certain things? Your own unique personal experiences, thoughts, and actions along with the feelings and emotions you have accumulated throughout your life is what makes you who you are today. You have collected all of these from yourself and everyone else you have ever been in contact with. You are who you hang out with. The closest people you have in life today will help to build the future version of you. At the same time, you are helping to build the future version of someone else. This is an extremely complex process to construct all our characters.

Now, coming back to our subject today, you are the only project you are working on. Although people can influence you, you are the closest person to you. You are the ultimate decision maker of your own life. Even in a situation that you may feel like you are forced to make certain decisions against your own will you are the one that has to choose it. No one else can force you to choose anything you do not want to choose if you believe yourself so strongly. The point is if you dedicate yourself to work on yourself internally you would become a strong minded (not stubborn) person that you would not be easily influenced by others. You would develop the confidence to trust your own judgments and decisions that you know whatever happens you will gain positive outcomes for your personal growth.

Here is an example to illustrate today’s point. You are working on a big home project - remodeling your kitchen. One of the reasons for this project is because your wife wants a new kitchen. She has been bugging you to do this for 2 years now. You finally found the time and motivation to do it because a new kitchen would be nice for the family. And the bonus; your wife will finally stop arguing about this with you. You know this will be a big project, but you also know that you must do it. This may seem like you are forced into a situation that you do not want to be in. Do you have any options? As always, absolutely! You can choose to do it or not. Either way you will make a choice and that choice will lead to certain outcomes for you and your wife. In this situation you will either have an angry wife or a happy wife, which in turn will affect your happiness as well.

Oftentimes we find ourselves in an environment or situation that we are not in control. We also have no idea what the outcomes will be. Life almost never goes exactly according to our plan. Think of this way, every situation is a fixed stage set you have been put on to perform. Although the setting will not change, how you perform in that setting is up to you. Therefore, your approach and your response in that situation and how you deal with the outcomes is the key. You can choose to respond in a negative way or positive way just like the choice you made to work on the kitchen project or not. You can also choose to believe the end results are/will be negative or positive. You can choose to feel bad about your decisions and continue to regret it. By the way, have you noticed that life is full of choices? You are constantly presented in situations where you must make choices each day. In the bigger picture, the kitchen project is not the actual project that you are working on. It is merely a stage that has set up for you to perform. Becoming better at making those choices IS the constant project that you are working on because that will dictate the outcomes of your life in every aspect. Making decisions can be exceedingly difficult at times but you should be grateful that the ability to make a choice is the most powerful tool you have in life. Once you master this tool you will create the life you most desire! We will talk about the power of choice at a different time. For now, you just need to understand why YOU are the project you are working on and nothing else and no one else you need to worry about.

Here is another example, let us say you are the best jumper in the world that you can jump 10 feet off the ground! Many people would think that it is amazing that you define gravity! But do you really? Has the gravity ever changed for you? Will gravity ever change for anyone? Of course, the answer is no. Gravity is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. You can continue to hope the gravity will change for you one day or you can alter what YOU do to improve the jump. Therefore, do not keep trying to stubbornly change the environment you are in, instead adapt yourself into the environment by learning how the environment works and improve your ability to maneuver in it.

I will use one more example. When I decided to write this post, I did it for you and myself because I believe I am doing the right thing which makes me feel good about doing it. In return, through my own writing I have realized many things that I was not aware of. I was able to see things from a few new angles. It is interesting when you start writing, things just come to you naturally. And oftentimes you are the one that is being taught in this process. Funny how the universe teaches us lessons we need through many ways in life. Although the reasons that I did it for myself is no longer a selfish one it took me years to realize that the intention behind all my actions is more important than the results of my actions. I cannot control the outcomes of my doings, but I can always do it with the best intention and give my best effort, and the rest will be left to the universe/nature to work out on its own. I just need to focus on my part in this collective process. I will not expect any specific results, nor will I be disappointed with any results because I believe the results can take years to come to fruition and everything happens for a good reason(s).

I believe if we all focused on working on ourselves instead of asking others to change for us there would be no more social revolutions necessary because the revolutions would only occur within. There would be no more war because before we attempt to destroy our enemies, we would first defeat our own ego. There would be no more hate because we would love ourselves more, thus, we would love others just as much. There would be no more judging towards others because we would pay more attention to our own FEARTw (Feelings, Emotions, Actions, Reactions, Thoughts, Words) first. There would be no more forcing, convincing, arguing, controlling, and manipulating anyone and in any situation. Life would be much more peaceful and harmonic for all of us on earth.

In conclusion, as soon as you realize that you are the only project you are working on, you would never be the victim in your life again. You will take full responsibility for your own actions. You will understand that you can never control or change anyone else but yourself. By changing yourself you will be able to adapt in any type of situation that occurs to you. You will no longer depend on others to make you happy because happiness is on demand. Being happy is as simple as choosing happiness and by creating that long lasting good feelings you always desire. You will also improve yourself at an amazing fast pace. Self-growth becomes a way of life and daily routine. Change will be so easy for you that you will enjoy the process of changing and addicted to improving yourself. At that point you will notice that everything and everyone around you will change by your radiant light and be influenced positively in their lives. This is all because you decided to work on yourself instead of anyone else.

​- FeelaSoulphy