 Bella From the day we’re born, we are entangled with love. It begins before we even know the word—when we’re held, fed, smiled at (or not). That early interaction sets a blueprint for what love feels like. And more importantly, it shapes how we believe we must behave in order to receive it. Most people assume love is just a spiritual ideal—something soft and poetic that we strive for in relationships or spiritual teachings. But what most don’t realize is this: Love is also psychological. Love is biological. Love is survival. When people behave badly—when they lie, control, dominate, brag, lash out—it doesn’t look like love at all. But if you trace it all the way back to the root, it always leads to love. Or more specifically: the need to be loved. The Example of Donald Trump Let’s take a figure who represents dominance, pride, and controversy: Donald Trump. To many, he’s arrogant, aggressive, self-obsessed, divisive. He boasts about being a winner, having the best words, the highest ratings, the strongest policies. He demands loyalty. He hates being criticized. He portrays himself as the savior of America and insists the world recognize his greatness. At first glance, none of this sounds like a man seeking love. It sounds like a man seeking power. But look closer. Power is often a substitute for love. It’s what people reach for when they don’t believe they can simply be loved for who they are. When a person constantly brags, what are they really saying? “Please see me. Please tell me I matter. Please validate that I’m good enough.” When someone can’t tolerate being wrong, they’re often screaming inside: “I don’t feel safe being vulnerable. If I’m flawed, I won’t be loved.” Everything becomes a performance to prove their worth—because deep down, they never felt loved without having to earn it. Broken Strategies for Love We all have our own twisted strategies for getting love, based on what we learned in childhood. Some people:
Trump’s behavior is just a loud, extreme example of what we all do in subtler ways. If you look past the politics, the headlines, and your opinion of him—you’ll see a scared child inside a powerful man, still trying to prove he is worthy of love. This Isn’t About Justifying Harm Understanding that people are wounded doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. Compassion and accountability must coexist. But when we look at human behavior through the lens of “This person is trying to get love in the only way they know how,” it breaks the cycle of judgment and hatred. And it helps us do the same for ourselves. Love: The Hidden Force Behind It All This is why spiritual teachers keep saying: “Life is all about love.” Not because it’s a feel-good phrase, but because it’s the underlying motivator behind everything we do. Whether we’re succeeding, sabotaging, pushing people away, or drawing them close-- we’re just trying to get back to the feeling of being safe, seen, and accepted. We want what we were born for. We want what the soul remembers. We want love. This is also why so many people love having pets. On a conscious or unconscious level, we are drawn to animals because they offer us an experience of unconditional love—whether we’re receiving it or giving it. Your dog doesn’t care how much money you make or how many mistakes you’ve made. They love you when you’re a mess and when you’re on top of the world. They’re excited to see you come home and sad when you leave. That’s not neediness—it’s devotion. Remember this: you may have many people in your life, but your pet only has you. You are their one and only source of love. So be gentle with them. Take good care of them. They too just want to feel loved—just like you. A Practice for Reflection Next time you catch yourself:
Pause and ask: “What am I really trying to get right now?” “How am I trying to get love?” Then take it a step further and ask: “Who might be hurting because of how I’m trying to get love?” “What is the cost of my unmet needs for the person on the receiving end?” And when you witness someone else behaving badly, try asking: “What twisted strategy for love might they be using?” Just because you’re trying to feel loved doesn’t mean others aren’t feeling unloved in the process. Be mindful: the ways we reach for love—if rooted in fear, control, or insecurity—can push others away or even harm them. And when that happens, we’re not only not getting the love we want, we’re also blocking the love we already have. Healing begins with awareness. Love begins with responsibility. Final Thought The world doesn’t need more punishment. It needs more understanding. It needs more people willing to look beneath the behavior and see the wound. That doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or enabling harm. It means living from the wisdom that says: “Even the most unlovable-seeming person is trying, in their own broken way, to be loved.” That, too, includes you. This post is dedicated to my favoriate dog in the world - Bella, who guided me to this deeper realization about love.
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 Mt. Diablo State Park, Clayton, California, USA Did you know your mind is constantly creating stories—narratives so vivid and detailed they feel as real as the world around you? But here’s the catch: not all of these stories are true. Some are distorted memories, others are pure imagination, and many are a mix of both. The mind is so powerful that these stories can shape how you feel, how you act, and even the reality you create. Let’s dive deeper into how this works, why it happens, and what you can do to reclaim control over your mind’s narratives. How the Mind Creates Stories Imagine this: You’re walking down the street, and you see someone you know. They don’t wave or smile back at you. Within seconds, your mind starts spinning: • “Did I upset them? Are they mad at me?” • “Maybe they don’t like me anymore…” What really happened? Maybe they didn’t see you or were distracted, but your brain filled in the gaps with assumptions and emotional stories. This happens because your mind relies on two key sources: 1. Memories: The brain doesn’t store perfect snapshots. Instead, it remembers bits and pieces of past experiences and emotions, which it reconstructs when you recall them. 2. Imagination: When details are missing, the mind fills in the blanks using your thoughts, fears, or expectations. The result? A story that feels real, even though it may not be true. The Emotional Power of Thought Have you ever woken up from a vivid dream feeling angry, sad, or even anxious? Maybe you dreamed a friend betrayed you, and for a moment, it felt so real that you couldn’t shake the emotion. That’s because your brain doesn’t differentiate between real and imagined events when it comes to emotions. When you imagine something, your amygdala (the brain’s emotion center) reacts just as it would to a real experience, producing physical sensations like a racing heart, sweaty palms, or tightness in your chest. For example: • Replaying a past failure: If you keep replaying the time you made a mistake at work, your brain relives the embarrassment, making you feel like it’s happening all over again. • Worrying about the future: Thinking, “What if I mess up my presentation tomorrow?” triggers anxiety in the present, even though the event hasn’t happened yet. Why You Can’t Always Trust Your Thoughts The stories your mind creates can be distorted in several ways: • Memory Bias: Your brain may exaggerate or alter details over time. For example, you might remember a childhood argument as worse than it actually was because your emotions magnified it. • Negativity Bias: You’re more likely to dwell on negative memories or imagined outcomes than positive ones because the brain evolved to focus on threats for survival. • Catastrophizing: Your mind jumps to the worst-case scenario, like thinking your partner didn’t text back because they’re upset with you, when in reality, they may just be busy. These distortions can lead to unnecessary stress, anxiety, and even conflicts with others. Virtualization in the Brain: How It Helps and Hurts Your brain is like a virtual reality machine. It constantly simulates past experiences, imagines future ones, and creates “what-if” scenarios. This ability to virtualize happens in areas like the prefrontal cortex (planning and imagination) and the hippocampus (memory recall). • Example of Help: Picture yourself preparing for a big presentation. You mentally rehearse what you’ll say and visualize yourself succeeding. This boosts confidence and readiness. • Example of Harm: Imagine you’re lying awake at night, replaying a potential argument with your boss. Even though it hasn’t happened, your body reacts with stress as if it’s real, robbing you of peace and sleep. The key is learning to use virtualization for growth, not unnecessary suffering. Reclaiming Control: How to Stop Believing Every Thought Here’s the truth: you are not your thoughts. Your mind is an incredible tool, but it’s also a storyteller that doesn’t always tell the truth. Here’s how to take back control: 1. Practice Mindfulness: When a thought arises, pause and observe it without judgment. For example: • “Is this thought based on fact or assumption?” • “Is this helping me or harming me right now?” Treat your thoughts like passing clouds. You don’t have to grab onto them or believe every one. 2. Use Visualization Wisely: Instead of letting your mind spiral into negative scenarios, consciously visualize positive outcomes: • If you’re nervous about a job interview, picture yourself feeling calm, confident, and answering questions well. • When revisiting a painful memory, imagine yourself learning from it and growing stronger. Visualization isn’t just a mental exercise—it rewires your brain over time, helping you build optimism and resilience. 3. Ground Yourself in the Present Moment: If you find yourself spiraling into “what-ifs,” bring yourself back to the present. Try this: • Take 3 deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of air filling your lungs. • Name 3 things you can see, hear, or feel right now to ground your senses. These simple techniques remind you that the only moment that truly exists is now. 4. Remember: Thoughts Aren’t Facts: Just because your mind says something doesn’t mean it’s true. For example: • Thought: “I’ll fail at this.” • Reality: You haven’t even tried yet. What if you succeed instead? Final Takeaway Your mind is an extraordinary tool, capable of creating detailed stories that can help or hurt you. The key to reducing unnecessary suffering is learning to question your thoughts, use your imagination wisely, and focus on the present moment. The next time your mind tells you a story, ask yourself: “Is this true? Or is it just a thought?” Reclaim your power by becoming the observer of your mind, not its victim. |
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