It’s All About Love—Even When It Looks Like the Opposite

Bella

From the day we’re born, we are entangled with love.

It begins before we even know the word—when we’re held, fed, smiled at (or not). That early interaction sets a blueprint for what love feels like. And more importantly, it shapes how we believe we must behave in order to receive it.

Most people assume love is just a spiritual ideal—something soft and poetic that we strive for in relationships or spiritual teachings. But what most don’t realize is this:

Love is also psychological.
Love is biological.
Love is survival.

When people behave badly—when they lie, control, dominate, brag, lash out—it doesn’t look like love at all. But if you trace it all the way back to the root, it always leads to love.

Or more specifically: the need to be loved.


The Example of Donald Trump

Let’s take a figure who represents dominance, pride, and controversy: Donald Trump.

To many, he’s arrogant, aggressive, self-obsessed, divisive. He boasts about being a winner, having the best words, the highest ratings, the strongest policies. He demands loyalty. He hates being criticized. He portrays himself as the savior of America and insists the world recognize his greatness.

At first glance, none of this sounds like a man seeking love. It sounds like a man seeking power.

But look closer. Power is often a substitute for love. It’s what people reach for when they don’t believe they can simply be loved for who they are.

When a person constantly brags, what are they really saying?
“Please see me. Please tell me I matter. Please validate that I’m good enough.”

When someone can’t tolerate being wrong, they’re often screaming inside:
“I don’t feel safe being vulnerable. If I’m flawed, I won’t be loved.”

Everything becomes a performance to prove their worth—because deep down, they never felt loved without having to earn it.


Broken Strategies for Love

We all have our own twisted strategies for getting love, based on what we learned in childhood. Some people:

• People-please because they were only loved when they made others happy.
• Shut down emotionally because they were punished for expressing feelings.
• Control everything because love was chaotic and unpredictable.
• Achieve constantly because love only came when they succeeded.
• Manipulate or dominate because being gentle never worked.

Trump’s behavior is just a loud, extreme example of what we all do in subtler ways.

If you look past the politics, the headlines, and your opinion of him—you’ll see a scared child inside a powerful man, still trying to prove he is worthy of love.


This Isn’t About Justifying Harm

Understanding that people are wounded doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. Compassion and accountability must coexist.

But when we look at human behavior through the lens of “This person is trying to get love in the only way they know how,” it breaks the cycle of judgment and hatred. And it helps us do the same for ourselves.


Love: The Hidden Force Behind It All

This is why spiritual teachers keep saying:

“Life is all about love.”

Not because it’s a feel-good phrase, but because it’s the underlying motivator behind everything we do.

Whether we’re succeeding, sabotaging, pushing people away, or drawing them close--
we’re just trying to get back to the feeling of being safe, seen, and accepted.

We want what we were born for.
We want what the soul remembers.
We want love.

This is also why so many people love having pets.

On a conscious or unconscious level, we are drawn to animals because they offer us an experience of unconditional love—whether we’re receiving it or giving it.

Your dog doesn’t care how much money you make or how many mistakes you’ve made. They love you when you’re a mess and when you’re on top of the world. They’re excited to see you come home and sad when you leave. That’s not neediness—it’s devotion.

Remember this: you may have many people in your life, but your pet only has you. You are their one and only source of love. So be gentle with them. Take good care of them. They too just want to feel loved—just like you.


A Practice for Reflection

Next time you catch yourself:

• Bragging to prove a point
• Avoiding someone you care about
• Trying to win an argument
• Getting defensive when someone gives you feedback
• Feeling jealous or needy or dismissive…

Pause and ask:
“What am I really trying to get right now?”
“How am I trying to get love?”

Then take it a step further and ask:
“Who might be hurting because of how I’m trying to get love?”
“What is the cost of my unmet needs for the person on the receiving end?”

And when you witness someone else behaving badly, try asking:
“What twisted strategy for love might they be using?”

Just because you’re trying to feel loved doesn’t mean others aren’t feeling unloved in the process.

Be mindful: the ways we reach for love—if rooted in fear, control, or insecurity—can push others away or even harm them. And when that happens, we’re not only not getting the love we want, we’re also blocking the love we already have.

Healing begins with awareness.
Love begins with responsibility.


Final Thought

The world doesn’t need more punishment. It needs more understanding. It needs more people willing to look beneath the behavior and see the wound.

That doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or enabling harm.
It means living from the wisdom that says:

“Even the most unlovable-seeming person is trying, in their own broken way, to be loved.”

That, too, includes you.

​This post is dedicated to my favoriate dog in the world - Bella, who guided me to this deeper realization about love.