Do You Truly Know Your Best Friend and Worst Enemy—Suffering?

Land of Medicine Buddha, Soquel, California, USA

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
— Carl Jung

"Pain is certain, suffering is optional."
- The Buddha

“What you are aware of, you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you.”
— Anthony De Mello

Most people go through life unaware that they are suffering. They accept their struggles, frustrations, and negative emotions as “normal,” believing they are just part of life. But what if I told you suffering isn’t your natural state? What if you could break free, not by avoiding pain but by understanding it?

Suffering is a state. Whether it’s a state of mind or being, it’s not permanent. Like any state, it can be changed—but only if you become aware of it first.

The truth is, what we are aware of, we can control. What we are not aware of controls us. And for many of us, suffering has silently taken control, shaping our thoughts, actions, and relationships without our knowing it.

Common Forms of Hidden Suffering

Suffering isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it manifests as anger, jealousy, or self-doubt. Other times, it hides behind habits, expectations, or feelings of inadequacy.

Here are some examples of hidden suffering:

• Feeling uneasy when others succeed (comparison)
• Holding grudges or clinging to the past (attachment)
• Constantly worrying about the future (fear)
• Struggling with self-worth (insecurity or failure)
• Numbing yourself with distractions like alcohol, drugs, or excessive fun (escape)
Even subtle feelings, like frustration when stuck in traffic or envy when a friend gets a new car, can point to deeper unresolved suffering.

Why Awareness Matters

The first step to overcoming suffering is awareness. When you recognize that you are suffering, you naturally start seeking understanding and solutions. In today’s world, there is no shortage of information or resources to help—what’s missing is awareness.

Awareness allows you to pause and reflect before reacting. It gives you the power to ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way? What’s really behind this emotion?” With awareness, you take back control from the invisible forces shaping your life.

The Ripple Effect of Suffering

Your suffering doesn’t just affect you—it impacts everyone around you. A single moment of anger, fear, or jealousy can ripple out and influence others in ways you may not even realize. When you heal yourself, you also heal the world around you.

Imagine how different history might have been if individuals like Hitler had encountered compassion or healing in their formative years. Every action we take, every word we speak, has the potential to either spread suffering or alleviate it.

This isn’t about guilt—it’s about responsibility. Once you’re aware of your suffering, you have the opportunity to act consciously and make better choices for yourself and others.

Suffering Is a Teacher

Suffering is not inherently bad. It becomes destructive only when it is prolonged and unaddressed. From a spiritual perspective, suffering can teach us life’s most valuable lessons—if we are willing to learn.

It’s not the pain itself that holds the lesson but how we respond to it. Do we numb it with distractions, or do we face it and seek to understand it? The sooner you acknowledge and learn from your suffering, the sooner you can free yourself from it.

A Path Toward Peace

Suffering is not your destiny. It’s a state, not a life sentence. The first step toward freedom is awareness. Start noticing your (FEARtw) feelings, emotions, actions, reactions, thoughts, and words. Observe how they influence your decisions and relationships.

When you are aware of your suffering, you are already on the path to understanding and healing. You are no longer a slave to unconscious patterns—you are free to create a better life for yourself and those around you.

The choice is yours: continue living in a state of suffering, or awaken to the possibility of peace, joy, and love. Awareness is the key that unlocks the door.

Remember: Awareness is the beginning of transformation.