 Sunnset at Communications Hill, San Jose, California Seeking approval can be a powerful motivator, driving you to achieve higher and larger goals than you might without it. This behavior aligns with the need for external validation, where your sense of self-worth becomes tied to others’ opinions. However, this same force can also become a never-ending source of suffering, much like being on a hedonic treadmill. No matter how much success you achieve, the feeling of accomplishment is short-lived, and you’re left continually seeking more approval. As a result, you may never feel truly accomplished, even when you’ve achieved significant success. You may not even realize that you're seeking approval, as this behavior can be buried deep in your subconscious. Here are some signs to help you recognize it, along with actionable steps to overcome these tendencies: 1. You get upset when someone challenges your ideas. Why this happens: When your sense of worth is tied to approval, disagreements feel like personal attacks rather than opportunities to learn. Solution: Shift your mindset from seeking validation to seeking growth. Embrace challenges as a way to expand your understanding and consider others' perspectives. 2. You feel a rush of happiness when someone agrees with you, and you want to feel it again. Why this happens: This is a form of external validation where your happiness relies on others’ approval. Solution: Practice self-validation. Ask yourself, “Do I believe in my idea or action regardless of others’ approval?” Develop the habit of internally affirming your decisions based on your values. 3. You often feel superior to others or thrive in competitive environments. Why this happens: Competition can be a way to seek validation by proving you're better than others. Solution: Focus on collaboration instead of competition. Aim to grow alongside others rather than surpassing them. Shift from ego-driven goals to community-oriented objectives. 4. You're addicted to the feeling of success and need to keep achieving more. Why this happens: Achieving success can create a "high," but when that fades, you may feel empty and seek another achievement to fill the void. Solution: Reframe success as an ongoing journey rather than a destination. Practice mindfulness and celebrate your small wins along the way. Develop a sense of contentment with where you are in the present moment. 5. You love recognition and crave being noticed or acknowledged for your efforts. Why this happens: The need for recognition can stem from a lack of internal self-worth. Solution: Cultivate self-recognition. Journaling can help—write down your accomplishments daily and appreciate them, even if no one else does. Practice recognizing your value independent of external praise. 6. You love to argue or prove your point. Why this happens: Constantly defending your ideas can be a way of seeking validation for your beliefs. Solution: Learn to detach your self-worth from being right. Instead of seeking to win arguments, focus on healthy dialogues where both parties can learn and grow. 7. You enjoy seeing others fail or feel envious of their success. Why this happens: When success is tied to external validation, others' achievements can feel like a threat to your own self-worth. Solution: Practice genuine happiness for others' success. This helps shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, reminding you that there's enough success for everyone. 8. You crave attention or seek validation from others. Why this happens: The desire for attention often comes from an internal void that hasn’t been filled with self-love. Solution: Develop self-compassion and practice being alone without needing external distractions or validation. Meditation and mindfulness can help strengthen your internal sense of worth. 9. You find yourself people-pleasing, sacrificing your own needs to win approval. Why this happens: People-pleasing is a classic form of seeking approval, as it focuses on making others happy at your own expense. Solution: Set boundaries and practice saying no. Realize that your worth isn’t dependent on how much you do for others, but on being true to yourself. 10. You love hearing compliments and constantly seek external praise. Why this happens: Compliments can feel validating, but relying on them can create dependency. Solution: Instead of seeking external praise, learn to give yourself compliments. Practice affirmations and build a positive internal dialogue to reinforce your self-esteem. 11. You struggle to let go of past failures, fearing judgment. Why this happens: Fear of judgment ties your self-worth to your past mistakes. Solution: Embrace failure as a learning experience. Everyone makes mistakes—what matters is how you grow from them. Develop resilience by practicing self-forgiveness. 12. You try too hard to persuade others to believe what you believe. Why this happens: Needing others to agree with you stems from a fear of being wrong or misunderstood. Solution: Accept that not everyone will share your beliefs, and that’s okay. Let go of the need to convince others, focusing instead on having open, respectful discussions. 13. You have an insistent need to be right all the time. Why this happens: Being right can feel like a way to affirm your intelligence or competence. Solution: Practice intellectual humility. Recognize that learning from others, and being open to new ideas, is more valuable than always being right. 14. You frequently complain or seek sympathy from others. Why this happens: Seeking sympathy can be a way of attracting attention and approval from others. Solution: Shift from complaining to problem-solving. Take ownership of your challenges and focus on solutions rather than seeking sympathy. 15. Others' opinions and judgments have a strong impact on your emotions and self-worth. Why this happens: When your self-esteem is based on others' opinions, you become vulnerable to external judgments. Solution: Practice detaching from others’ opinions. Ask yourself, “What do 'I' think?” and work on building a strong internal sense of self that isn’t swayed by external views. 16. You take credit for other people’s work to gain approval. Why this happens: This behavior arises from a desire to appear more competent or accomplished than you feel. Solution: Acknowledge the contributions of others openly and practice gratitude. Recognize that collaboration can be more rewarding than personal accolades. Overcoming approval-seeking behavior is a journey that requires patience and self-awareness. By recognizing these signs and adopting healthier practices, you can shift from relying on external validation to fostering inner confidence and peace. Imagine how liberating and peaceful it would feel to let go of the burden of seeking approval in your life. Cultivating self-esteem from within empowers you to live authentically and freely, without the constant pressure to seek validation from others.
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 El Corte De Madera Creek Preserve, California, USA Walking along the trail, I reach out to touch the leaves of the trees. In that brief moment, I sense an exchange of energy between us, and I offer them my gratitude—simply for existing and being, for contributing to the world in their quiet, steadfast way. And then it strikes me: shouldn’t I offer this same gratitude to everyone in my life? To appreciate each person, especially those I’ve had conflicts with, for who they truly are, without expecting them to be anything else. This exchange with the trees becomes an exchange of wisdom: Love others just as they are, without expecting more or less from them. - Feelasoulphy  Crowley Lake Columns, California. USA True happiness is an internal state, not contingent on the fluctuating circumstances of our external environment. If your joy springs solely from being in the company of friends, then it’s tethered to the presence of others. Similarly, if solitude is your only source of peace, your contentment relies on isolation. If the presence of sound is what brings you joy, then silence may render you restless. Conversely, if quietude is your sanctuary, noise may disrupt your sense of calm. This dependency reveals a profound truth: if our happiness is anchored to specific conditions or individuals, its stability is at risk in their absence. To cultivate a resilient, unwavering sense of joy, we must learn to detach our well-being from external factors. True happiness blooms from within, independent of our surroundings. When we achieve this state of internal harmony, we remain content regardless of external changes. So, I invite you to reflect: what are the pillars upon which your happiness rests? - Feelasoulphy  Sunset at Tenaya Lake, Yosemite National Park, California, USA If you're unsure about what aspects of yourself to work on, start by noticing any instances where you tell lies, even small white lies. Ask yourself why you felt the need to be dishonest. Often, there's a deeper reason or truth hiding behind the lie. Uncovering this can lead to profound self-discovery. For instance, the act of lying can sometimes be a defense mechanism or a way to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths or fears. By asking yourself why you felt the need to lie, you can begin to address underlying issues, leading to personal growth and a more authentic life. - Feelasoulphy  Quaking Aspen Trees in Telluride, Colorado, USA Nature's beauty may be deceiving; a closer look at plants and flowers reveals imperfections, like missing leaves and broken branches. Yet, this doesn't diminish their perfection. In reality, they embody perfection by serving their purpose—to sacrifice for others. Similarly, we, and everything in the universe, exist to serve others by simply being ourselves. Our brokenness imparts vital life lessons to us and those around us, forming a perfect and beautiful mosaic. - Feelasoulphy Imagine you are lost in darkness, and suddenly, you see a light in the distance. Excited, you move toward it and find someone holding a torch. You feel a surge of hope, thinking that you're no longer alone and there’s a way out of the darkness. But soon, the person with the torch has to go their own way, leaving you in the dark once more. They might hand you a candle to keep, but that candle is fragile, easily blown out by the first gust of wind. Eventually, you’re left without light again. What you truly need is to find your own torch—or better yet, a flashlight with a supply of batteries. Another approach is to surround yourself with people who already have torches. Their collective light illuminates the path around you, giving you the clarity you need until you find your own source of light. On the other hand, if you remain around those who have only candles or no light at all, your chances of thriving diminish. That’s why mentorship and being in the right environment matter. When you're among the right people, they not only show you the way but also empower you to find and carry your own light. - Feelasoulphy  If ego gratification fuels your cause, you might resort to unethical actions to satisfy it, risking burnout and even severe irreversible consequences. A lasting motivation requires a higher purpose beyond self-preservation to endure a lifetime. Consider the contrasting stories of Lance Armstrong and Mahatma Gandhi. Armstrong's ego-driven decisions in professional cycling, such as doping scandals, resulted in a downfall. In contrast, Gandhi, motivated by a higher purpose of justice and societal improvement, pursued nonviolent resistance for India's independence. Reflect on whose legacy endures—Armstrong's with consequences or Gandhi's with lessons for current and future generations. Who would you aspire to be? - Feelasoulphy  A typical human has 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day. If we take an average of 70,000 thoughts per day, that would amount to approximately 25,550,000 thoughts in a year. Assuming an average lifespan of around 80 years, the estimated number of thoughts over a lifetime would be roughly 2,044,000,000 or 2 billion. The bad news: some studies suggest that a significant portion of our thoughts can lean toward the negative side. Imagine if even 10% of the thoughts we have are negative; that's 7,000 thoughts a day or 7,000 chances to ruin our day! Negative thoughts can have a stronger emotional impact compared to positive ones. Negative emotions, such as fear, stress, or sadness, often trigger more intense physiological and psychological responses. This can influence our overall well-being, stress levels, and even physical health. Have you ever pondered why we tend to recall traumatic experiences more vividly than positive ones? Emotions serve as a potent tool in conditioning our subconscious mind. Stronger emotional associations with events or people enhance our memory, leading to the formation of triggers that cause unconscious reactions to specific stimuli. The good news: no matter how many negative thoughts you might have, a significant portion, if not the majority, could potentially be neutral or positive. In simpler terms, while 7,000 may seem substantial, 63,000 is an even greater number! This abundance of opportunities increases the likelihood of having a better day. That's likely why most people experience days ranging from okay to great—there's not just hope but a tremendous amount of it for all of us! Consequently, cultivating a positive mindset can be beneficial for mental and emotional health. The quality of our life depends on the quality of our thoughts. - Feelasoulphy  You don’t have to understand emotions to experience them but when you do understand them you will be able to control them. - Feelasoulphy  Redwood Trees in Aptos, CA We aren't meant to single-handedly transform someone entirely, much like how we can't claim sole credit for growing a tree. Whether we're the seeder, soil, water, sun, insects, or birds, each plays a crucial role in the tree's growth. Attempting to take full responsibility for the entire process is egotistical; it's more effective to focus on our part, letting others contribute to the rest of the journey. Just as too much water or sun can harm a tree, recognizing our limits and embracing a collaborative approach is key to meaningful progress. - Feelasoulphy |
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