16 Signs You’re Mentally Suffering from Seeking Approval

Sunnset at Communications Hill, San Jose, California

Seeking approval can be a powerful motivator, driving you to achieve higher and larger goals than you might without it. This behavior aligns with the need for external validation, where your sense of self-worth becomes tied to others’ opinions. However, this same force can also become a never-ending source of suffering, much like being on a hedonic treadmill. No matter how much success you achieve, the feeling of accomplishment is short-lived, and you’re left continually seeking more approval. As a result, you may never feel truly accomplished, even when you’ve achieved significant success.

You may not even realize that you're seeking approval, as this behavior can be buried deep in your subconscious. Here are some signs to help you recognize it, along with actionable steps to overcome these tendencies:

1. You get upset when someone challenges your ideas.
 
Why this happens: When your sense of worth is tied to approval, disagreements feel like personal attacks rather than opportunities to learn.
 
Solution: Shift your mindset from seeking validation to seeking growth. Embrace challenges as a way to expand your understanding and consider others' perspectives.

2. You feel a rush of happiness when someone agrees with you, and you want to feel it again.

Why this happens: This is a form of external validation where your happiness relies on others’ approval.

Solution: Practice self-validation. Ask yourself, “Do I believe in my idea or action regardless of others’ approval?” Develop the habit of internally affirming your decisions based on your values.

3. You often feel superior to others or thrive in competitive environments.

Why this happens: Competition can be a way to seek validation by proving you're better than others.

Solution: Focus on collaboration instead of competition. Aim to grow alongside others rather than surpassing them. Shift from ego-driven goals to community-oriented objectives.

4. You're addicted to the feeling of success and need to keep achieving more.

Why this happens: Achieving success can create a "high," but when that fades, you may feel empty and seek another achievement to fill the void.

Solution: Reframe success as an ongoing journey rather than a destination. Practice mindfulness and celebrate your small wins along the way. Develop a sense of contentment with where you are in the present moment.

5. You love recognition and crave being noticed or acknowledged for your efforts.
 
Why this happens: The need for recognition can stem from a lack of internal self-worth.

Solution: Cultivate self-recognition. Journaling can help—write down your accomplishments daily and appreciate them, even if no one else does. Practice recognizing your value independent of external praise.

6. You love to argue or prove your point.

Why this happens: Constantly defending your ideas can be a way of seeking validation for your beliefs.

Solution: Learn to detach your self-worth from being right. Instead of seeking to win arguments, focus on healthy dialogues where both parties can learn and grow.

7. You enjoy seeing others fail or feel envious of their success.

Why this happens: When success is tied to external validation, others' achievements can feel like a threat to your own self-worth.

Solution: Practice genuine happiness for others' success. This helps shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, reminding you that there's enough success for everyone.

8. You crave attention or seek validation from others.

Why this happens: The desire for attention often comes from an internal void that hasn’t been filled with self-love.

Solution: Develop self-compassion and practice being alone without needing external distractions or validation. Meditation and mindfulness can help strengthen your internal sense of worth.

9. You find yourself people-pleasing, sacrificing your own needs to win approval.

Why this happens: People-pleasing is a classic form of seeking approval, as it focuses on making others happy at your own expense.

Solution: Set boundaries and practice saying no. Realize that your worth isn’t dependent on how much you do for others, but on being true to yourself.

10. You love hearing compliments and constantly seek external praise.

Why this happens: Compliments can feel validating, but relying on them can create dependency.

Solution: Instead of seeking external praise, learn to give yourself compliments. Practice affirmations and build a positive internal dialogue to reinforce your self-esteem.

11. You struggle to let go of past failures, fearing judgment.

Why this happens: Fear of judgment ties your self-worth to your past mistakes.

Solution: Embrace failure as a learning experience. Everyone makes mistakes—what matters is how you grow from them. Develop resilience by practicing self-forgiveness.

12. You try too hard to persuade others to believe what you believe.

Why this happens: Needing others to agree with you stems from a fear of being wrong or misunderstood.

Solution: Accept that not everyone will share your beliefs, and that’s okay. Let go of the need to convince others, focusing instead on having open, respectful discussions.

13. You have an insistent need to be right all the time.

Why this happens: Being right can feel like a way to affirm your intelligence or competence.

Solution: Practice intellectual humility. Recognize that learning from others, and being open to new ideas, is more valuable than always being right.

14. You frequently complain or seek sympathy from others.

Why this happens: Seeking sympathy can be a way of attracting attention and approval from others.

Solution: Shift from complaining to problem-solving. Take ownership of your challenges and focus on solutions rather than seeking sympathy.

15. Others' opinions and judgments have a strong impact on your emotions and self-worth.

Why this happens: When your self-esteem is based on others' opinions, you become vulnerable to external judgments.

Solution: Practice detaching from others’ opinions. Ask yourself, “What do 'I' think?” and work on building a strong internal sense of self that isn’t swayed by external views.

16. You take credit for other people’s work to gain approval.

Why this happens: This behavior arises from a desire to appear more competent or accomplished than you feel.

Solution: Acknowledge the contributions of others openly and practice gratitude. Recognize that collaboration can be more rewarding than personal accolades.

Overcoming approval-seeking behavior is a journey that requires patience and self-awareness. By recognizing these signs and adopting healthier practices, you can shift from relying on external validation to fostering inner confidence and peace. Imagine how liberating and peaceful it would feel to let go of the burden of seeking approval in your life. Cultivating self-esteem from within empowers you to live authentically and freely, without the constant pressure to seek validation from others.